I had a little reality check on my positive inspired mood and realized that I need a little reality check in my way of thinking. I'm still inspired, I'm still thinking positive, but I've realized a few things.
I need to be kind to myself and realize my limits. I didn't yesterday. DH has friends down from NJ and I really like them but I forgot to take my meds and my anxiety escalated to the point that I had to excuse myself and go curl up on my bean bag for a couple of hours. I felt awful about it, embarrassed, but DH has told his friend about my struggles so they understood. Other people may not. I need to take my meds when I need them and not feel bad if I have to excuse myself for a while if I am overwhelmed.
I'm not used to having people all day long at the house. I had not down time and I should have explained I was going to need some. It's just a fact of life for me. They understood, so I should not have pushed myself so very hard. I sat there for an hour trying to come up with a good way to explain I needed a break and finally just told my hubby, I'm sorry, I need to excuse myself for a while. No big deal, but in my mind at time my brain was making a big deal of it. I need to relax and realize that the people in my life understand and I can just be me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still inspired to do better, I just need to realize that it also involves taking care of me when I need to. Not ignoring my warning signs. Realizing that not all people are jerks who aren't going to care if I need some down time to myself.
I was so excited to go hiking today, we went to Amicalola Falls (BIG hike up to the top) and we get not 20 feet up the trail and my head EXPLODES in pain. Migraine back full force. Apparently it was playing possum on Friday, or I have a whole new one today. I barely made it back the over half a mile to the car. The rocks are loose, my vision is blurred, by head is imploding... I thought I was going to pass out. I had some people look at me really concerned like, and some old people having a picnic that looked like they were about to come running to catch me. But I made it. I texted my two BFFs (nurses) and got different opinions, but both them and Google (who said I was going to die) said to hydrate. So, having given my camelbak to my oldest DD when I left the group (and the group drank it all) I ate an apple, which hurt like he!! on my migraine, all that chewing (It was a twice your normal size apple) hurt my head more and made me have to go back to the 1/2 mile away bathroom. I did better this time and the group was back before I got back from the bathroom (after having spent a LONG time in the car and at the pavilion eating my apple).
Even so I tried to keep a positive attitude and not complain too much. I took 5 or more steps after my initial explosion of pain just to see if it would go away and after nearly falling down in pain I gave up and told DH I could not continue but that they should.
I know I missed a hiking opportunity, but honestly I don't think I could have made the hike anyway. It's been two months since I've been doing any hiking training and I'm not in shape enough to go a mile uphill. So perhaps this migraine was a blessing in disguise.
That being said...I'm really concerned about these migraines now. Normally with a migraine I lose my appetite altogether... not so with these migraines. I've not had an aura, but my vision has gotten blurry, my eyes at one point felt like slot machines, I just could not focus. Each time I it was activity that caused the initial burst of pain. Sunlight bothers me a little bit, sound some at times and not at all at others, but I'll get dizzy and not be able to focus.... so many strange things. If it gets ANY worse, we are going to the ER tonight. If not I'm going to the doctor tomorrow after my psychiatrist appointment. Gotta write all this stuff down to take to both of those doctors and demand to know what is going on with me.