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I'm fine.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

I'm fine. I was so depressed yesterday I stayed in bed all day. I actually slept some too. But was so depressed. I felt bad having DH take care of the kids all day, but I was in no shape to. I was shut down, depressed. I have no idea why. Oh, there are many reasons I can think of that might have been the reason, but none of them feel right. I'm not as depressed today, thank goodness. I hate feeling like that. But if anybody asks, the automatic response that comes out it, I'm fine.

So I got up my usual 0230, after tossing and turning for I don't know how long, as usual. I don't know what time I actually wake up because I try to stay in bed as long as possible. Sometimes I move to the bean bag to try to sleep before I'll actually get up. But it always seems to be 0230 when I get up. This is after getting up at around midnight-thirty. I usually am able to go back to sleep after that, though.

I worked out 21 minutes this morning, even though it is my day off. I kept having to run to the bathroom so I finally gave up. Don't know what is up with my stomach this morning. I did eat in the middle of the night and I know I'm not supposed to really, so maybe that is it.

I've decided to take advantage of my new normal of sleeping. Most nights I try to go back to bed and go from the bed to the bean bag and I toss and turn and don't sleep and feel like crap in the morning. But I'm finding that if I stay up after 0230, I feel fine for most of the day (eventually I run out of steam, but I can't sleep till my normal bedtime which is between 8:30 and 9:30 PM). I can't clean, I can't work out or any of that because I wake up the kids. So I'm going to start watching those online sewing classes I bought that I never seem to have the time to watch!! All those nifty new crochet techniques I want to learn, how to sew, how to all that stuff! I'm going to watch and then I'll try out the actual technique on sewing during the day, crochet I can do at night because I can turn on the kitchen and dining room lights, just not the living room lights.

So watch, now that I'm all excited to have something to do at night, I'll be able to sleep, LOL. That will be sad if it really happens because I'm looking forward to watching those classes!! I have nowhere to sew right now, so I'll only be able to watch and have the head knowledge till we clean out room to actually have a sewing/craft area for me. Which will hopefully be very soon!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Hope you have a great Wednesday. Today is my busy day so I'm off to the races, as they say!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD14402600
    We are all different. No since in staying in bed if you can't sleep. Enjoy those videos!
    I hear you about just saying FINE when someone asks how you are. I really wonder sometimes if they are just asking for something to say or if they really care. I don't think they would enjoy hearing about what makes us depressed. I know when I start to tell my husband he shuts me off. Can't really understand until you have been there I guess. At least we can come here and vent. We've all been there. Hope you get your sewing room soon. You do a great job so I imagine you will be getting very creative. Enjoy!
    1044 days ago
    Sounds like a workable plan!! Praying you are able to sleep though
    1044 days ago
    I LOVE your plan to stay busy when you can't sleep. If you sleep all night there is always another night to do it. Stay positive emoticon
    1045 days ago
    I had unexplained depression a few years ago. It's more than I want to go into here but basically even though my heart and mind had finally worked through depression after a miscarriage, my body had not yet worked through it's own depression. I didn't want to get out of bed and I am not the kind of person who stays in bed all day. Productive is my middle name. When I quit stressing my body out, it was healed from depression too and I began to exercise again full force. I think depression is far more complicated than people realize.
    1045 days ago
    Hope you really are fine today! You sound hopeful!

    I'm fine— what a line. The second picture really says it all! Said that on Sunday to a friend at church as I had tears streaming down my face. She's really great and replied, "No, you're not." I had said that to try to pull myself together, but underneath I was heartbroken and crushed that my older daughters chose not to come home for Easter. I thought I was dealing with it rather well all weekend, but when the pastor's mother asked, "Did your girls not make it home for Easter?" and my husband replied, "They had enough of us over spring break," fragile me felt like she was going to fall apart at any moment and raced out of the service.

    1045 days ago
    1045 days ago
  • no profile photo APPLEGREENGIRL
    Hang in there! Good plan :)
    1045 days ago
    Great Blog,I can totally relate. I'm sorry and I hope the sewing works out for you. God bless you!
    1045 days ago
  • LPORTER2015
    Sounds like you have a great plan! Good luck to you.
    1045 days ago
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