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Beating Myself Up

Sunday, April 23, 2017

I was quite astonished at how powerfully I wanted to condemn myself for my "deviations" Friday.

No kidding.

I felt like a bad bad bad person. And I felt like a fat fat fat person. Self-loathing leaping out at me from a dark corner.

And I decided: no point in asking why. Best rehabilitation would result from using my HOW Power approach. I know how to deal with this.

Healthy breakfast. High protein and veggies egg white omelette.

Then my gym workout yesterday really helped. I didn't make it "punitive" -- I didn't require of myself MORE cardio and heavier weights and . . . . Nope. But I did give myself an extended stretching session afterwards. Now that felt good.

And stretching in front of the mirror while wearing my gym tights and bra top: I could see that I did NOT look fat fat fat.

Then I weighed myself at the gym on the accurate balance beam scales: and of course my weight had NOT gone up from one day's 400 calorie excess. In fact I was DOWN a half pound from the vacation blip.

Dressing afterwards in my skinny jeans: I could see that I did NOT in fact look as if all 90 pounds had returned overnight.

And when I was hungry after the gym: I did not tell myself that I should skip lunch to "make up" for Friday's excesses. I came home and had a healthy lunch. A bowlful of my home made Italian veggie farro soup plus Greek yogourt and berries.

And then ran some errands, bought some groceries, came home and had a healthy dinner. Lots of veggies and a grilled chicken burger on a thin bun.

So: I'm feeling like I'm back on track. Thanks for all your supportive comments. However, that self-loathing recurrence did make me realize just how powerful the old panicky emotions can be. Even 16 years after weight loss.

MAINtenance: it's an ongoing task. Never done. So much of it is MAINtaining the confidence between the ears that I do know HOW. And then doing it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Back on track is what counts. Those little excesses are sometimes exactly what we need - as long as we get back healthy right away. Kudos to you on your healthy habits and your healthy attitude.
    1095 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1130 days ago
    Oh lord. Oh lord. Singing my song. Having SUCH a bad time punching myself.

    Hugs to you. Hugs to me too. Hugs.. hugs all around. we are GOOD people.

    Thank you for this. Sorry you were here. glad you're moving on.
    1137 days ago
  • NANCY-
    You are amazing and love the way you think. WTG on sticking with your plan.
    1137 days ago
    Oh wow! Thanks for sharing!
    When I don't make the best possible decisions... I feel like I am failing myself. Sometimes, you got give yourself a break and know that you will get back to your healthy habits very soon.This negative self talk doesn't bring us anywhere!
    Have a great week and keep sparking!
    1137 days ago
    I know how you felt. I have an inner coach, while he wants me to do my best, sometimes he very hard on me--chastising me for slipping up, berating me for not following through on what he's taught me. He means well but he's tough! On the other hand, he provides me with encouragement, positive feedback, and instruction. It's a balance, he never let me give up and he does his best to keep me in line. At the end of the day, I have a deep appreciation for my coach!
    Keep on Sparking
    1137 days ago
    great post thanks for sharing
    1138 days ago
    I can totally relate. I can get so down on myself after a slip. I can feel desperate and out of control and just so bad about me. Yes, years -- not as many as you, but many years -- after losing the weight.

    Your steps to get back on track are right on!! Yeah, you. And we need to counter those self-condemning thoughts. They are not reality.

    I have wondered what my life would be like if each day my weight reflected what I ate the day before. But it doesn't. It reflects months of what I've been eating. I don't gain eighty pounds overnight; I don't lose 10 pounds overnight.

    Thanks for sharing your struggles. It helps me feel like I'm not alone. I can still be a good person, a smart person, a kind person, even if I occasionally, or more than occasionally, struggle with food. You are a role model!!
    1138 days ago
    oh boy. i need this. today.
    1138 days ago
    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how you turned your negative feelings into positive ones! Thanks for showing all of us how it can be done.

    1138 days ago
    I have to tell you that I really like this blog. So real! So helpful! And, sanity returned quickly with right action because you know what to do and you did it. Yeah, sometimes there simply is no point in asking why. We simply need to move on.
    1138 days ago
    Catching up here after a few days of stomping around and moping.

    So nice to read of your sensible attitude. I remember one day when I dived into a carton of ice cream for some emotional reason and afterwards realized that even eating all those extra calories would only equal 1/3 of a pound even if my body retained every single calorie. Big deal... move on, right? That's the most important lesson to learn as a maintainer. .

    1138 days ago
    Ooooh, so sorry you had to struggle through those difficult emotions. Self-loathing is a pretty strong and pretty negative emotion.... Especially for such a minor transgression. Should maybe be reserved for things like committing fraud! Or harming another person, intentionally! Maybe practice responding to food slip ups like this one with a Homer Simpson-like response: heel of the hand to the forehead, a loudly exclaimed Doh! And move on.
    1138 days ago
  • _LINDA
    Hard to believe someone who has it so well together could have a melt down. Wow. Just wow. But quickly brought back to reality by the view in the mirror and the scale. That so many years of hard diligence is not thrown out with one episode of extra calories. Not one iota. But such a reality check for us all. That we can still be our own worst enemy instead of being proud of what we have accomplished after all those years..
    Hopefully just a wake up call that we are only human and have feelings, but in the end actions speak louder than words. And treating ourselves right is the proper response. With loving kindness and forgiveness for our trespass.
    Still an inspiration. Still a Superstar MAINtainer!

    1139 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3409143
    1139 days ago
    You handled this really well. And it's useful to know that even sixteen years after reaching your goal, you are still learning. We should all remember that the effort will be lifelong.
    1139 days ago
    Wonderful blog so true, it is hard to be kind to yourself sometimes as you would be to others. :)
    1139 days ago
    One day of mindless eating does not make you fat anymore than one day of mindful eating makes you thin. Both results are cumulative.

    Good job getting back on track. That's the really important thing here.
    1139 days ago
    Oh Lord, if only I could transplant attitudes! I can certainly use one right now.
    Pity party doesn't make for good eating. By the end of today I was much better all the way around.
    We can do this!
    1139 days ago
    Very insightful and so true of anyone with issues of weight and weight loss. We have to work very hard to retrain our minds!
    1139 days ago
  • GABY1948
    Oh my...this blog fits ME today too! I just blogged it after reading yours the first time today. As OKM says in her reply...I needed the SANITY to return....my devious brain was CHEATING big time just to keep at the right weight. Confessing that was REALLY HARD but it feels so good now to have it done!

    We will both be back for sure and QUICK now. It's out in front of the world!
    1139 days ago
    You are fine.
    Flying always messes with my weight for a few days.
    Glad you stepped away from the counter-productive self-loathing thoughts which never ever ever help.
    I am feeling mostly better (finally).
    Starting PT tomorrow for my one lingering physical issue.
    Plan on getting out walking more, now that the weather is warming up a bit (they still haven't cleaned up the freakin sand on my streets but I will find another place to walk).
    I have lost zero pounds in 2017, but haven't gained any either.
    My goal is to lose another 20... 25 would be better, as I did in 2016.
    But life happens, as they say.
    We are both fine.
    I am thrilled to be wearing a pair of jeans today that I could not wear last year, doing a little yard clean-up.

    1139 days ago
    I am so proud of you getting back on the wagon. You are such an inspiration here on Sparks! Happy Sunday! Wishing you a Beautiful Day!
    Hugs and love, xoxo
    1139 days ago
    emoticon to getting back on track and to the smart reality checks!
    It is amazing how unpleasant just one bad food day can feel,
    reminds me how I used to feel every day before I started my healthy lifestyle journey.
    it is good you did not overexercise or skip meals, that can lead to places nobody wants to see.
    I'm glad you are feeling better!


    1139 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    Great job on getting back on track. Maintaining for 16 years that's so super! That means you are living the healthiest life you can! Terrific! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1139 days ago
  • 52BINCE
    You are what I call a true competitor who never quits regardless of the setbacks. You are truly a winner and an inspiration to us all.....
    1139 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    You just have to move on.....it's a new day!
    1139 days ago
    1139 days ago
    Our brain takes a while to register that our stomach is full. I think our brain takes even longer to recognize that our body is smaller. Really. Sometimes, I take out my most fitted jeans and put them on the bed and just marvel at how small they look - so much smaller than I feel. (Even though I know they're a size 16 or something. At least they aren't a 20 or 22.)

    Re the farro - I've never had it in soup, but I remember farro salad in Italy. LOVE that stuff! Diced tomato and onion and cukes and maybe capsicum, mixed in with the farro and then tossed in a vinaigrette. Sometimes tuna was added as well. The class I attended gave us boxed lunches occasionally, so this wonderful salad was often included. With fresh fruit, and a mini box of red wine!
    1139 days ago
    Great recovery, way to move on with a plan

    As for the feelings, beating yourself up, I am not about avoiding feelings, they are usually a healthy reaction to what is going on. It is natural to feel bad and hard on yourself after doing something your didn't want to do. Embrace the feeling, then move on as you have taken action to fix the wrong. Now you can feel positive and happy, you fixed the wrong, you have the attitude and skills to recover and you used them.
    1139 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/23/2017 11:06:58 AM
    Yesterday was my day to eat off plan. I had cooked DH a fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy kind of meal and planned to have my soup for me. But I didn't. I didn't have huge amounts, but the weight is up amazingly fast. So back on track today. Leftovers are his only!
    1139 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15520036
    I've occasionally caught myself feeling fear in front of food. Then I know I'm putting too much importance on all this.
    1139 days ago
    Never done, nope, not here, either! Even in really rough years... just dust ourselves off and persevere, and sanity returns!
    1139 days ago
    You nailed it! You used that HOW power and got back on track. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
    1139 days ago
    1139 days ago
    It is amazing how one little 'slip' does not mean we fell off a cliff .... just a little climb to get our grip' and back on the mountain top again! ....... and WOW .... I did not realize you had been in maintenance for 16 years .....that is tremendous! .... emoticon
    1139 days ago
    Yes, I was surprised as well. You are one of SP all-time top role models. Have a wonderful day.
    1139 days ago
    Never beat yourself up for deviations. Pick yourself up and move on. The next meal you will be on track
    1139 days ago
  • FITBY2016
    Key is dust off and got back on track.
    1139 days ago
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