Beating Myself Up
Sunday, April 23, 2017
I was quite astonished at how powerfully I wanted to condemn myself for my "deviations" Friday.
I felt like a bad bad bad person. And I felt like a fat fat fat person. Self-loathing leaping out at me from a dark corner.
And I decided: no point in asking why. Best rehabilitation would result from using my HOW Power approach. I know how to deal with this.
Healthy breakfast. High protein and veggies egg white omelette.
Then my gym workout yesterday really helped. I didn't make it "punitive" -- I didn't require of myself MORE cardio and heavier weights and . . . . Nope. But I did give myself an extended stretching session afterwards. Now that felt good.
And stretching in front of the mirror while wearing my gym tights and bra top: I could see that I did NOT look fat fat fat.
Then I weighed myself at the gym on the accurate balance beam scales: and of course my weight had NOT gone up from one day's 400 calorie excess. In fact I was DOWN a half pound from the vacation blip.
Dressing afterwards in my skinny jeans: I could see that I did NOT in fact look as if all 90 pounds had returned overnight.
And when I was hungry after the gym: I did not tell myself that I should skip lunch to "make up" for Friday's excesses. I came home and had a healthy lunch. A bowlful of my home made Italian veggie farro soup plus Greek yogourt and berries.
And then ran some errands, bought some groceries, came home and had a healthy dinner. Lots of veggies and a grilled chicken burger on a thin bun.
So: I'm feeling like I'm back on track. Thanks for all your supportive comments. However, that self-loathing recurrence did make me realize just how powerful the old panicky emotions can be. Even 16 years after weight loss.
MAINtenance: it's an ongoing task. Never done. So much of it is MAINtaining the confidence between the ears that I do know HOW. And then doing it.