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Why I am Unbalanced - Families and Challenges

Monday, May 08, 2017

Normally, I try to focus on the positive things in my life. I have a family with mental health and addiction issues, and through counselling for over more than two decades I have learned some tools to help me get through the obstacle course of challenges that present themselves from time to time. I don't always have the tools I need, but am thankfully still in counselling so I can still ask for guidance and advice (and vent in total privacy when needed). I'm still learning and growing...
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Lately, it has been a huge challenge... I'm not going to get into all the history of my family growing up as it is long and nasty and nobody should have to read it let alone live it. My mom comes from a very messed up family, and my dad comes from a slightly less messed up family. They likely should never have gotten married, but gave into the pressures of that generation and their upbringing. It was a very volatile place at times until they got divorced.
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Then it was years of alienation and hatefulness for me to try and grow up through my teenage years. I was given a huge gift when my mom moved away from our town to start a new married life with someone and I moved in with a caring, loving, and Christian couple to finish my high school in the town I grew up in. God gave me a gift by opening their door to me! I learned a lot from them...

It gets difficult at times, because my mom has not moved forward from all the things that have happened in her life since she was a child. She is trapped in a cycle of anger and self-pity. She lashes out in the most unpredictable and hurtful ways. With the help of my counsellor, I was able to develop some boundaries of behaviour that she seemed to observe and respect, and things were going fairly smoothly.

Since my brother passed away just before Christmas in 2013, everything has gotten very, very messed up. I'm trying to be loving and patient and supportive as I know that in my grief from losing my brother, I've not always behaved in ways I normally would. But it is difficult, even with friends and my awesome husband, and my counsellor all giving me help and support and love and guidance. I am so blessed by the other great and incredible people in my life, and that is what I normally am able to focus on.
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But, there are times lately where I just want to hide in a cave. To add to the stress, my husband's company closed at the end of last May and he has been searching for a job ever since. Here in Saskatchewan, the economic slowdown is at it's worst right now.
We have put out almost 300 applications at this point, and spent six thousand dollars on our line of credit for him to take the air brake course to drive 18-wheelers (semi-tractor/trailer) and all other types of vehicles with air brakes. Trying to make him more employable, trying to have faith, trying to be patient...
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It requires so much energy just to get myself out the door and ready for work. I feel like I am drowning I have so much stress right now, and just want to burst into tears. I am sorry I haven't been my normal positive and upbeat self. That girl will come back, someday soon I hope.

My mom asked us to come visit them for the May long weekend. I am unsure if that is wise, considering my frame of mind. I just don't know what to do....
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  • RKOTTEK
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    1162 days ago
  • MILLER-S
    Hugs and more hugs. I hope things soon get better.
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    1247 days ago
  • LILLYROSEGRAM
    I am sorry you are having a difficult time lately. Given all that you have been through, you are an extraordinarily upbeat and positive person and that part of who you are will come forward again over the long run. We are here to support you.

    Hugs!
    1247 days ago
  • MT-MOONCHASER
    If you are not feeling at your strongest, it would probably not be a good move to go visit your mother now, unless she is nearby so you could make it a day trip.

    If you need to you could plead financial stress, since there is always extra expense when traveling away from home.

    I hope your husband will be able to find something soon.

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    1290 days ago
  • WORKOUTWITHPAM
    Sending HUGS and BLESSINGS. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
    HUGS
    Pam
    1292 days ago
  • 71AQUARIUS
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    1294 days ago
  • 71AQUARIUS
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    1294 days ago
  • OSONIYE
    May God bless you with peace, comfort and wisdom as you deal with all these things.
    1294 days ago
  • GODS-PRINCESS
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    Sweetie, for me I find I need to be totally strong when I deal with people who are unhealthy. It takes a lot out of me to deal with mentally ill people, etc. I am not sure about you. If you are anything like that, then even visiting with your mom even a short time could really pull you down even more. If you are like me I would not subject yourself to her until you are stronger!

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    1296 days ago
  • KOHLRABIGIRL
    Wow that is a lot to deal with! Coping with financial struggles and working to keep a marriage healthy is hard enough. Then to add all those other relationship issues and grieving a loss on top of that. Ugh! My husband was let go of his job in 2010. We've never recovered financially but our marriage certainly has been tested and I'm glad to say remains strong. Looking back, his job provided a false sense of security that we relied on. That was all taken away and we've learned that things in this world can be given and taken away within a moment's time. I'm still learning to trust God to guide my husband in finding work so he can provide for us. When others let you down or the situation at hand is stressing you to the limits look to Him. He will give you hope! He can also help you with the decision about visiting your mom if you allow Him to.
    1296 days ago
  • ICECUB
    ITSOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE REALLY BEEN THROUGH A LIFETIME OF PAIN. THAT FAMILY YOU LIVED WITH WAS A GIFT FROM GOD. DO YOU STILL KEEP IN TOUCH? MAYBE YOU COULD REACH OUT TO THEM. MAYBE YOU COULD PLAN ON STAYING A SHORT TIME WITH YOUR MON AND SEE HOW IT GOES. I I HPE THING GET BETTER FOR YOU.
    1296 days ago
  • IWILLSTILLRISE
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    1296 days ago
  • OOKLATHEMOK
    I would stay away if it is going to cause pain or push you towards unhealthy tendencies

    1296 days ago
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