Tuesday, May 16, 2017
I have been eating so much healthier lately! I have decided that "dieting" and eating less processed foods are not the same thing. I don't think I've lost any weight, but my skin looks fabulous, I am sleeping better and I am not on an emotional roller coaster despite several trying days and difficult decisions.
I feel better, but I'm still just as fat. This time around, for now, that's ok. I want my progress to stick. To be free from the food binges and the ugly moods that too much sugar brings on. Already in these early weeks I am more able to veer slightly "off plan" and then get right back on track. This feels so GOOD! This is balance right??
I don't want to worry about weight right now. I want my plan to fix my nutrition (eating healthier, whole foods), working on my portion control (I see weight loss coming in here) and finally tackling my stress trigger-stress eating responses.
This plan looks so slow and like so much work. Hard, emotional work. Work I've put off for so many years, quitting and diving head first into a box of cereal when it got to be too hard.
Slow seems like torture. Why can't I just lose all the extra weight first? Surely my problems will be easier when I'm 50 pounds thinner right? Wrong Brain, we tried this. I still had no skills to deal with stress, so I gave in to every craving that drifted in. I still felt lethargic and mopey when I had too much sugar and I relied on counting the calories of non-foods (chips, cookies, jams, candy) to lose weight, nutrition was way secondary to moving the scale. And then I gained it all back when I got bored of literally running my ass off and tracking every bite.
I am older, and busier and less invested in how other people want my butt to look like in jeans. I want to live while losing weight, not essentially lock myself away to control my habits and eating situations. I want to enjoy my family and my life while improving my health and shedding some of those vanity pounds too. That's slow, hard work and I'm ready to try.