Weight loss is a strange thing.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Weight loss is a strange thing. It’s one of the few losses in life that is celebrated. It’s a loss that is easily regained. It can completely define my feelings of worth. When I lose, I am happy. When I gain, I am ashamed and angry. I have control over weight loss (to some extent), but sometimes I feel more like it controls me.
If I tried to determine the percentage of my life that has been defined by my weight, I wonder if it would be comparable to others? For me, the percentage has to be extremely high. My weight is a real and tangible truth that is always with me, but far too often it’s a truth I try to escape from. Some days, months, years—my successes outweigh (ha, unintentional pun) my failures. Other days, months, years—I pretend I don’t know the truth of what is happening until I can’t avoid it any longer and I reach a turning point.
Today is a day I can’t avoid the truth any longer. I have consistently gained 10 pounds every year for the past 3 years. At this rate, I’ll be back to my highest weight when I’m in my mid-40s. Then what? I keep gaining? I start all over? I am determined to not let it get to that. My weight needs to be a truth that I recognize regularly. I can’t ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist, and get mad when I’m reminded it does. All those clichés about balance are true. I’ll never be perfect, but I have to avoid extremes.
I’m reminded why I love sparkpeople so much. Around here, we focus on the positive, not the negative. My goal for the rest of May is to build on daily successes. I’ll check in again on June 1, if not sooner, to report on how it’s going!