The Blerch was at me hard core yesterday and tonight. What is the Blerch you ask? Check out this cartoon by The Oatmeal:
"The Blerch is a wretched, lazy beast... He tells me to slow down, to walk, to quit." The maker of the Oatmeal is a runner. He says he treats his body like a fast moving dumpster. His quote, not mine. And I did that tonight, only I'm a slow moving one. Sure I had oatmeal (haha) but I had ate from a jar of nutella as well. Sure I had an apple, but it was slathered in peanut butter.
I have not done this in a long while. I just could not seem to eat enough, or enough of the sweet stuff. I'm having to wait 20 more minutes to check my blood sugar to see if I need to do an emergency 4 AM workout to bring my blood sugar down. I didn't care while I was eating it, but now that I've stopped, I'm freaking out that I ate all of that. I tracked it all on SP, though I'm pretty sure I ate more nutella than that. I've got to get to the root cause of this binge eating or it will never stop and I'll never lose the weight. If I knew how to make myself throw up, I would. I've never been able to do that, so I'm stuck with all this sugary food in my system.
I've got to either stop getting up in the middle of the night, which is impossible, I get to where I can't sleep and I can't stay in bed, so I get up; or find a way to distract myself in the middle of the night so I won't eat. Maybe a video game up and running to catch my eye, some hot coffee (that actually usually works) or something. Maybe sleep in workout clothes and work out to wear me out in the middle of the night. Something! Any suggestions out there? I'm running out of ideas.
I think I have an idea of why I'm sabotaging myself. Or at least why I'm turning to food for comfort. I won't put it on here, I'll put it on my other blog crouchingflea.com, I've got a lot of old stuff coming up right now. I'd of thought I'd be over it by now, but I guess I'm not.
My blood sugar is slowly climbing. It was 137, now it is 165. I'm going to wait another 30 minutes and check it and if it is anywhere close to 200 I'll work out
In the cartoon of the Blerch toward the end, he admits that the Blerch is himself if he didn't run and all that. That the Blerch follows him everywhere. I have a Blerch and she too is a wretched, lazy beast. But she is hurt and thinks that stuffing the pain will be like a bandage and cause to pain to stop, at least for a while. I know better, but sometimes I give in. I have a magnet of my fridge, I need to put it where I can really see it, It has a picture of the Blerch and says, "I believe in the Blerch."
Do you have a Blerch?