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The Little Things/Success is...

Friday, September 01, 2017

Sometimes it is the little things in life. I'm getting by on so little sleep, I'm not functioning very well again. I had a few good days of sleep, but I'm back to 3 hours again last night. I'm doing the best I can though,a and trying to make the most of it. My anxiety has been crippling, and I think the lack of sleep is the culprit. Or they make each other worse, like a vicious cycle. I had PTSD nightmares last night, which is why, I think, I didn't sleep well. I did let my doctor know. I really like my doctor, he is so involved with my care, and listens to me. Though he is the expert, so I listen to him too.

I've talked before about living successfully with chronic illnesses. I feel like I'm in such a transitional stage in my care right now that I don't have a baseline to measure what living successfully right now would be. I think it all depends on how you are doing and how much you can do. Still being in this stage of not getting enough sleep, overloading on anxiety and panic attacks, I think getting anything done is a step in the right direction. I tried starting Flylady and was thinking that could be my baseline... but it was too much. I know, Flylady is not much, but some days I can't even get anything done I'm such a mess. I'm going to get my family to help me clean the house over the weekend and so I can start on Flylady on Monday. I really want to be able to do at least a little that is planned for me to do.

Part of it has been hard because I'm out so much with doctor's appointments, lab work and the like. I'm not home, and by the time I get home, I'm exhausted, driving takes so much out of me!

But I have exciting news! For those of you new to my blog, I have severe anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD... and other labels. Driving is one of my triggers for panic attacks. I had PTSD flashbacks so bad there for a while, my husband worked from home so he could drive me places because I was also having them while driving, which is a scary experience. I DON'T drive on interstates. Yikes. The more traffic, the harder it is for me to not panic. So, my husband works from home on days I have to go to my psychiatrist, because it is 50 minutes away and you have to go on two major interstates. Now, I know how to drive on an interstate, I just get panic attacks when I do. But I recently discovered that the trainer/breeder that we are going with for my service dog is PAST where my psychiatrist is!!! I'll have to learn how to drive down that interstate to get to her! And I'll be driving to see her at least twice a week! SO I'm going to start being the one to drive to the psychiatrist!! First I'm going to go with DH coming with me so that I have help with where I'm supposed to be and turning and all that (plus morale support). And once I do good with that, I'm going to be going alone!! And, it was my suggestion. I told DH I have to do this. There is a back roads way to get to where the breeder/trainer lives, but it is longer and I can't afford that much more time because I have to make it back in time to pick up my kids from school. I'm so nervous, but excited. If I can do this... maybe it is one more step towards my freedom in driving! That would definitely be a success!

Anyway, no working out today. I had cereal for breakfast, not good because DH only buys the sugary kind. I am supposed to be having shakes for breakfast but we are out of bananas and frozen strawberries and I can't stand the shake without them! But I will have a salad with chicken for lunch and probably the same for dinner.

I'm so excited, at the end of this month, we start looking for reals for our new home! There is one I just love everything about it, but the girls bedrooms would be small. They don't like that. There is another one that I love even more though I'm not as fond of the neighborhood, that has a reading nook in the master bedroom, the rooms are all good sizes, but there is no basement. I want a basement. Choices, choices!!

Hope you are having a great TGIF!! My girls have a love/hate relationship with Friday. It's P.E. day at school and they hate playing sports, like watching them, but not doing them. But it is the start of the weekend after they get home and they get to stay up late so they love it too, lol.

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  • PATTYMCGRAW
    You remind me of me. I was so out of it the other day from not enough sleep that I went totally brain-dead. Couldn't think straight if my life depended on it. My biggest problem is that the psychiatrist who take my insurance are useless. One called me a liar. Another one wanted me to get the report on my ADD test (taken well over 10 years ago) or pay out of pocket to have the test re-administered. I'm way too old to be lying and way to broke to take the test over again. My anxiety has been creeping up and I can't get anyone to prescribe the meds I need for the insurance to pick it up. I do hope that things get better for you.
    941 days ago
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