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Thursday, October 05, 2017

Some of my sparkfriends are doing challenges right now. To be honest, some of them are always doing challenges. I assume that these challenges encourage these people to stay on plan. Due to this, a few of my friends are having amazing results. I'm really happy for them. They are obviously the type of people who benefit from this kind of formal challenge.

I have tried a few challenges myself and almost all of them, but one, didn't work well for me. To be honest, they were Epic Fails. I'm not totally sure why but I do feel that many of them are designed for someone like me to fail. I'm stubborn, lazy, incorrigible but I do have a list of semi-valid excuses that I use effectively.

In one of the first challenges it seemed that when I joined I was immediately inundated with 5000 emails of all kinds - welcome to the team, 3000 body measurements to take, 500 questions to answer, 60 pages of requirements, 24/7 schedules, hourly check ins, emojis, motivational quotes, etc. I hadn't even gotten though the first batch when I downloaded hundreds more, the gist of which were..........

" Just checking on you! We miss you on the team?" ...........jeez, I haven't even been on the team an hour yet!!!!

"Just wanted to say 'Groovy, Baby, groovy!'"................. WTH?

"Go, Alizarin Crimson-Halfwits!!!"..........
.......... Kill me now.

"It's 5 Am. and I just ran 40 miles through downtown St. Louis, covered in sweat, dodging bullets, weaving in and out of semis, in the dark!!! Goal me!!!! Tell me about what you have done??? " ............ A.........5A.M?...............
....Let's see. I farted and turned over in bed.

It's no wonder that I immediately felt overwhelmed as I thought I was looking at a 14 hour a day job. I was afraid one of the Alizarin Crimson-Halfwits would jump through my window wearing camo and scream, "Get up, you Filthy Ho!!!" It was no time at all before I quit and I felt really guilty about it. My bad for not checking into what this entailed.

I was shell shocked for a while after that first challenge.................for years in fact. Eventually my wounds healed and I forgot what it was like to "give birth to quints". I tried some simpler challenges that didn't seem like they would suck the life out of me but they did. I proved that I could also be a weenie at those too. Some of the "homework" was not going to work for me. They were designed by vested interests to get you to buy a certain product. "Your challenge today is to consume 30 gallons of plain Reeky Stinky brand Greek yogurt...................Yuck. When you have celiac disease, like I do, you can't eat the equivalent of a 6 loaves of bread or 20 boxes of cereal a day without your backside ending up permanently adhered to a commode. So I had to skip a lot of the daily requirements,"The challenge today is stupid. No can do!!" I kind of felt like I was a fraud. Some of the challenges were really silly for me specifically - suggesting that I get 8 hours of sleep a night. I love to sleep and would sleep 8 hours every single night forever if I could but it's not that easy. Heck, I might even go for 20 hours a day but I've not figured out, as yet, how I can force myself to sleep.

I was fairly lame at creating SMART goals so a helpful team "psychiatrist" would offer to help me, aka beat me into submission. Their goals for me were usually unrealistic things, like lose 40 pounds in a week. I pointed out that I was going to have to remove all my extremities and internal organs to accomplish that. They pointed out that ,"You are poorly motivated."

In some of the challenges people are encouraged to blog every day to make themselves accountable. To me this is the equivalent of having a daily colonoscopy. The bloggers list their goals and confess every day if they met them. For someone like me, if I commit to something like this I'm going to have to do it no matter what. To do otherwise is admitting I am, basically, insane.

Day 1 - Epic Fail. Day 2 - Epic Fail. Day 3 - Epic Fail. Day 45 - Epic Fail. Day 677 - Epic Fail.

Some of my friend are like me and when this happens they slink off and hide. Others are like, "Yep, I'm an unmotivated piece of ----. Whatever. What of it. Ungoal me!" After day 677 you have a hard time thinking up a motivating comment to say to them on their blog. "Don't give up" doesn't seem quite right, does it? So I find myself wanting to say. "Groovy, Baby, Groovy" which translated means, "Good grief. You suck!"

If at some point if you see me say that I'm thinking of doing a challenge, you can assume that I am having some kind of cerebrovascular incident. Call a veterinarian and refer me to this blog. I probably have Distemper.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I just signed up for 3 challenges today...yup 3 in one day
    506 days ago
    Your sense of humor is wonderful!! Chuckle, Chuckle, Chuckle! I needed that. Thank you! emoticon
    733 days ago
  • AURA18
    Thanks for the belly laughs, I woke up my dog!
    737 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/19/2018 1:28:37 PM
    wonderful blog as usual! I wish you wrote more often...such talent!
    757 days ago
    This is hilarious! Glad I found it!
    897 days ago
    Brilliant blog. I don't know how I missed it. Just keep on being you!
    898 days ago
    I thought I would come over and see how you are doing. Just found your blog and it is hilarious! I too joined a couple challenges in the past but couldn't keep up with them. One of the people I think of as a friend got told off by one of the challenges she joined because she didn't keep up. That did it for me. NO MORE challenges --- ever! Someone is taking her job as team leader way too seriously!

    You should write more of these, if the mood strikes you. You have a gift!
    925 days ago
    Oh oh oh I didn't just "like" this post - I was laughing so hard! Were we on one of those challenges together? I remember feeling like I was about to be indoctrinated into a secret warriors society, all the secrecy and hush-hush and this link and that, and Read this only, do not post here, etc!! And I was always Loser Day 1, Loser Day 2 etc. I bailed as soon as I could. I was screaming laughing at your post -!; your comments. I came here to thank you for commenting on my post this morning. Pretty sure ai exhaled Lots of Carbon Dioxide laughing so hard!! Hoping I get lucky and do a rear-meld with the commode and shed some of the excess carbon dioxide ... or whatever it was the article said?! I've got to check down here and read the rest of your blogs but my husband wants me to go walk hyperactive dog, who really loves mommy (the one that sticks to me like a tick... but I don't want that much clingy-ness...dog or human!)...

    Oh and your garden sounds awesome!!

    943 days ago
    This is so funny! i've been on spark a long time and challenge me silly, don't like them at all, I love your back yard, i can c myself sitting on the bench , being at the pond and setting up a tent to just chill there for a long time, so beautiful there!
    954 days ago
    I also am late reading this blog, but I’m so glad I did! It was laugh-out loud funny! You should write comedy! I totally agree with you about some of the challenges. I tried two of the popular ones out there, and they just wore me out - they were just too time-consuming and overwhelming. But different strokes for different folks, right?!? We all have to find what works for us. For me, I do like my Aspire and Inspire Buddy Support Group challenge (I’ve been with the team for so long and have great friends there.) It does involve some work of counting points and writing a blog or two each week (it you want to,) but it really helps keep me motivated, and I love having just a small team of 4-5 people, where you really get to know them and support/give encouragement for whatever their goals are (their choice!)
    Anyway, thanks so much for the laugh and for reading and responding to my blogs! I always appreciate your words of wisdom!
    1019 days ago
  • BERGEN127
    I realize this is an old blog. It’s stil the funniest thing I’ve heard all day! Thanks for the laugh.
    1021 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268
    you hit the nail ON the head with this one... its sooooooooooo true LOL.

    and I love your sense of humor as well :-)
    1055 days ago

    I totally agree with you in so many ways! Yet I do challenges similar to what you describe. It's only when I am beaten down to submission that I realize I better lose weight. I am not proud that I cannot lose weight and be healthy just for myself. But it seems to be true for me that I want to comply with the challenge. My parents trained me too well in the dubious art of obedience.

    Your piece is the funniest thing I have read in ages!

    Thank you!
    1070 days ago
    Totally me. Overwhelmed by all rules, stuff to do. I don’t do well on challenges. Seem to self sabotage too.
    1072 days ago
    Oh my this is so funny I had to come back and read it again... likely the 10th time!
    1073 days ago
    OMG, "I" FART, TOO! emoticon

    bwahahaha! You're the best. What's nice about SP is you can do what you want! I would still like the nutrition template ramped up, I would still like better emojis. I'm deep, I know. Now I'm getting so old I'm getting my emoji's mixed up (wait, where's the blah blah one? Oh, that's on my android, no iPhone, no SP!) haha.

    Please work on your 'poorly motivated' self til we meet again. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1075 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/15/2017 11:26:39 PM
    I fear you will not be popular with the SparkPowersThatBe after this blog. I'm sure you care a whole lot about that. (Not.)

    I took one look at some of the team pages for these challenge thingies and knew at once that they were all wrong for me, too. However, I'm on a pretty rational team now, which has a periodic 9-week "challenge" that even I can deal with. All you have to do is ... (Now I know you're probably holding your figurative ears and yelling, "LALALALALALA!") But it really is simpleminded. You pick a goal weight, specify how you're tracking it (scale weight, running average, etc.), and record it once a week by Tuesday. The goal is simply to stay within +/- 3 percent of that goal weight over the 9 weeks. Then you get recognized in a nice, simple list.

    Even when I'm being very unSparky, not even recording food or anything, I've kept up with these challenges, because they aren't that horrifically challenging.

    Oh, and each one has a target end date on a special day. Like this time we're aiming for Poinsettia Day, and it's called the Poinsettia Day Challenge. Isn't that nice? In the past we've had, like, US Postal Service Day. Nothing even remotely to do with food, like National Jelly Donut Day.

    The team is the wildly inclusive At Goal & Maintaining + Transition to Maintenance. Even if, like me, you aren't maintaining real well, you can be on it.

    1085 days ago
  • CWYNN01
    OMG.. This is one of the words I left Spark people, I felt overwhelmed after while with trying to keep up with all of the messages, trying to respond to everyone. It became a burden after while..lol..
    1095 days ago
    Omg.... I freakin' laughed so hard at this blog! I had the same thing happen when I joined a challenge. It's OVERWHELMING! I love spark, but I am the biggest procrastinator there is and lists.... oh how I love making lists! I would do much better if I made lists of things AFTER I did them though because I hardly ever do anything I put on a list! Some days I'm so gung-ho and other days I'm just ho-hum. If I ever do manage to get this weight off and keep it off, it sure won't be because I consistently followed any challenge....Lol

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1100 days ago
    How did I miss this blog?
    1103 days ago
    A few challenges have worked for me. Like you, not many. I prefer SMART Goals, and laughed when I read you don't like those, either! One challenge I had and liked was "Lose a Pound a Week". The first time I did it I actually succeeded . . . 52lbs down that year! But I gained it all back, even while on SP; so apparently I learned nothing. The second time I did it, I lost some but failed.

    All the other challenges . . . well they don't even appeal, even on the first read through. I always think, gee, I must have missed the Challenge Gene. Same with: streaks, and virtual walking.

    I am looking into micronutrients. My brain and my body and my hunger / full signals, work SO MUCH BETTER when I'm taking them. I have some scientific questions tho, b4 I hop on (yet another) bandwagon. Like, do I have to take this for the rest of my life. And, what will be different this time, about gaining it all back?

    Of course I already know I have to (permanently) give up drinking sugar, LOL.

    Loved your blog as usual! How are the critters and your better half? Do you still have arrhythmia (sp)? How often do you hear from Ian and is his geographical change working out for him?
    1106 days ago
    Man oh man, I would have that WHUPPED if it was all about farting n' flippin' over in bed; I'm great at that!!!
    But I'm with ya on challenges; they just seem to bring out da WURST in me...
    Just let me know when you're ready for yer distemper titer!
    1112 days ago
    I'm not one for challenges either. Every time I was in one, I'd gain weight! Too much pressure.
    1112 days ago
    This is great! I laughed my can off!

    I was on a Challenge for two seasons. I was doing well, until life intervened, along with hurricane Matthew. I noticed that I was not doing what I needed to do each day for me, even though I did have some fun on the team.

    I just joined a "Challenge" group, newly created, where we post our own challenge and track it ourselves. My old fart brain likes this quite a bit. It reminds me of what I need to do each day to make me feel better. It further allows me to roll over and fart in bed whenever I want. LOL
    1113 days ago
    Soul sisters, we are!
    I have tried a few of the challenges as well, with almost identical outcome.
    Perhaps we are the "Wild Women" who refuse to follow someone else's path. Resist, do not conform.
    1114 days ago
    emoticon There must be something wrong with me, I'm really tempted to join the Alizarin Crimson-Halfwits, they sound about my level, just as long as we definitely don't have to do any challenges!!

    I pressed the "I like it " button (like it?, I LOVE it!), but somehow I can't see this being a featured blog.
    1114 days ago
    Thanks for writing this blog! It's so funny and reflects myself everywhere.
    I was in challenges here for one year and I GAINED weight during them.
    Racing stresses me!

    Nothing better than fart at 5 am and blame the poor cat! emoticon
    1115 days ago
    I enjoyed reading your blog. Funny and so true emoticon
    1115 days ago
    That is what I am doing at 5 too!!!
    I have gotten to where I am now not because of the challenges for sure. Sticking to my own goals - yes kind of...but even then I have to be careful because I will rebel.

    I have been able to do more now because the 4 kids are young adults ...because yeah 5a.m. is not time for running.... for me.

    I just decided no more challenges so I love your blog. I have dropped some teams too as if I am on them I go to them and more time wasted...meaning a good book/film/ or fun IRL.

    Being an SP member has meant "meeting" some great people - like you and reading your hilarious blog.
    This was good timing because for years I have been a member of challenge teams and none of that worked. Doing what makes me happy tha tdoes...well ok unless it involves binge watching TV and drinking wine... but that is ok once in awhile. Hmmm maybe my new challenge! jk

    1115 days ago
    Love, Love, LOVED it! Truer words have never been spoken! emoticon emoticon

    I am almost awed by the number of challenges that are created by the site sponsors to get you to try/use their product(s). emoticon

    The only challenges I take are the ones I create for myself which, sometimes, might be as simple as getting myself through another day without biting DH's head off because I don't feel well and he's just getting in my way! lol

    Your honesty is a candle in the darkness of hypocrisy! emoticon
    1115 days ago
    Oh my stars, I laughed so hard. First of all, I rarely spot a blog by you-that was a good wake-up this morning, then the title and the humor.
    I think I opened it because 1. it was by you Tish, and 2 because I'm actually trying a challenge for 100 days. We set our own goal(s). Mine had nothing to do with weight, healthy eating or exercise. It has to do with trying to regain my office from the bedlam of paper work. I figured if I could force myself to do 20 minutes a day minimum for 100 days, I might find my desk and get the folding table OUT of my office.
    I tried a year long one in my knitting group and I just can't stop to track how much yarn I used! I hate math and that was forcing a lot of math.
    Usually when I publicize my goals it's guaranteed to fail. Go figure, but I cannot fail this one because I want my cousins to come and visit and the only space I have for them to sleep is in the office or my bedroom. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1115 days ago
  • BRENDAF761
    Loved your blog! I was laughing the whole time I was reading it. I love your honesty. I don't join many for the same reasons. I have about six Sparkfriends that I message. I enjoy following you. Have a great day and I hope Blocker is well!
    1115 days ago
    This blog was fabulous.Move over Dave Barry. I laughed .I read it again and laughed some more.I may have to pop by and read it every time I look at the challenges where I could not possibly do what they ask just so I can smile.
    1116 days ago
    I love this blog! Seriously, I could of written it word for word. emoticon
    1116 days ago
    1116 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3409143
    I can relate to stubborn i can still recall my Mom calling my Dad a "Bullheaded Englishman" I know the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
    1116 days ago
    So are you saying you don't like anybody to tell you what to do? I remember being 35 and being really overly active. I loved the competition and vigorous activity. Today I agree about the rolling over and going back to sleep. I like challenges that are at my pace, very slow. I like challenges that allow you to do as much or as little each day. Because sometimes there is something more interesting to do. Hope you are doing well
    1116 days ago
    I have enough challenges and some of them even have a paycheck; no thanks!

    1116 days ago
    Truer words have never been spoken! I am awful with challenges. Those annoying check ins and 6000 emails so get on my nerves! If I don’t motivate myself, it’s not going to happen!

    Hilarious blog!
    1116 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Love this! I never feel challenged by challenges. If I don't want to do/eat something I just don't. I am not motivated to not eat by these. My attitude seems to be "oh, my! I didn't meet that goal today. Ho-hum." As wonderful as Spark is and the people involved, they DON'T really know me! They are dealing with their own lives and issues and don't really have the time or interest to worry about me. Oh, there are a few who I think really care (Mortician, I'm looking at you!) Some of those have faded away and to be honest I didn't keep up my end of the bargain with some.
    I have a Fitbit. It "motivated" me the first couple of weeks but now I just sync it with "hm, that's not very many steps" or " wow, "I walked a lot today". Same emotion felt.
    I sound like an old curmudgeon and maybe I am . I don't think my temperament fits with this site. Too stubborn, too "you can't tell me what to do or how to do it".
    I stay here for the few, like Morticia!
    1116 days ago
    I tried some of the SP challenges - so not for me, either. I do some of the group challenges, but only the ones where I get to set my own goals for the week or month. SMART goals are for work and they suck there, too.
    The SP Premium / SparkCoach stuff is almost worse - I frequently only remember to log into it every 2-3 days and then I can't remember what the previous day's challenge was. No big deal - it's scored on a scale of 1-5, so I just say 1 most days. Got a 5 for the put down the salt shaker one the other day - LOL.
    1116 days ago
    emoticon Loved your blog and I understand it completely.
    1116 days ago
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    1116 days ago
    No words...Just LOL.

    1116 days ago
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