Do not be
Yesterday I went to watch on u-tube a sermon on Nehemiah 6. A pastor from a church I attended when I lived in Lacrosse did a series on Nehemiah. I watch them when I feel lead to do so. This one was recorded on December 31, 2017. To my surprise the youth pastor did this one. One reason the youth pastor said is he loves working with the youth is because they dream big and they aren't afraid to take chances.
It got me thinking...A counselor once shared with me...That I grow up in a legalistic atmosphere, went off to freedom, went to a legalistic college, came home to a legalistic atmosphere, went off on my own, got raped, so got drug back into this legalistic atmosphere again. She felt maybe I fear dreaming big and feared taking changes is because this time when I leave, no one will be pulling me back to this legalistic area. She felt it maybe scary for me. I don't feel that's it.
This morning I was thinking...I had big dreams of parenthood. Every time I tried to be a parent, I got some punishment thrown at me. I think that is the root of my fear. I am afraid because when ever I do something to fulfill my dreams or to take a chance, something bad happens. My fears goes behind my parent's.
The online Bible Study I am in, suggested starting with mini goals. Something I can see results in 2 weeks to build up my confidence.
I found this site called kitchen skills by age. My mom never taught me to cook from stretch. I feel cooking from scratch is one way to become healthier. I am starting by doing skills on these charts. Under age 6-8 years it says mixed cookie dough and brownie batter, I've mixed cookie dough but never brownie batter! Why not? The instruction say to do 500 strokes and mom feared I could not do that. So she past a silly fear down to me. Yesterday I took a small package that made a 8x8 pan of brownies and I made brownies!!! They were gooey and good.
Since I was without a car, here are some things that I did yesterday I am proud of:
*I watched the sermon on Nehemiah 6 on U-tube
*I washed the dishes and the counter tops. It's amazing in my tiny place how doing just a little thing like that makes my kitchen look so much nicer.
*I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I thought I had swept and I might have but not like yesterday. As I swept I swept up pieces of glass my son broke during break so I must have swept the middle not the edges of the floor. When I mopped, I was amazed how clean it felt.
*Some one asked me on my blog on while ago if I watched the Hallmark movie 'Royal Hearts'. I had not so yesterday I watched it. About 1/2 way through it, Hallmark channels froze! LOL!
*I watched 'When Calls the Heart'. My favorite scene was the picnic on Jack's land. I loved the lights everywhere. I wondered how many people had to set up that scene!
*I did my Wii step for 10 minutes; 5 minutes of Wii strength; 5 minutes of a balance game
My 2018 goals:
Read 30 minutes a day-no
Try a new recipe, a new food, learn something new-yes...brownies
Do one thing a day related to the month, season, holiday. Today is week #10 of 2018! I am working through this pin entitled 'Being Me 52 weeks of soul searching'. Week #10 is eating fresh. I am actually working on that!
Monthly goal: March out of my rut~Unsure what I will do today. I'm thinking of doing something I haven't done in a while like coloring but I am unsure yet!
Monthly Memory verse-Proverbs 16:16-wrote it in my journal finally.
Day #75 of winter, We are in a winter storm warning until 6 AM tomorrow. All schools in the area are closed. So far it's been very high winds since around 10 PM last night. The temp is at it's high of 38. I see dark clouds coming our way.
4 days until my son's spring break!!!