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My Adventures in Spark Land...understanding my fear of moving forward

Monday, March 05, 2018

Do not be
afraid to
follow your
you are
to succeed
~Heather Stillufsen

Yesterday I went to watch on u-tube a sermon on Nehemiah 6. A pastor from a church I attended when I lived in Lacrosse did a series on Nehemiah. I watch them when I feel lead to do so. This one was recorded on December 31, 2017. To my surprise the youth pastor did this one. One reason the youth pastor said is he loves working with the youth is because they dream big and they aren't afraid to take chances.

It got me thinking...A counselor once shared with me...That I grow up in a legalistic atmosphere, went off to freedom, went to a legalistic college, came home to a legalistic atmosphere, went off on my own, got raped, so got drug back into this legalistic atmosphere again. She felt maybe I fear dreaming big and feared taking changes is because this time when I leave, no one will be pulling me back to this legalistic area. She felt it maybe scary for me. I don't feel that's it.

This morning I was thinking...I had big dreams of parenthood. Every time I tried to be a parent, I got some punishment thrown at me. I think that is the root of my fear. I am afraid because when ever I do something to fulfill my dreams or to take a chance, something bad happens. My fears goes behind my parent's.

The online Bible Study I am in, suggested starting with mini goals. Something I can see results in 2 weeks to build up my confidence.

I found this site called kitchen skills by age. My mom never taught me to cook from stretch. I feel cooking from scratch is one way to become healthier. I am starting by doing skills on these charts. Under age 6-8 years it says mixed cookie dough and brownie batter, I've mixed cookie dough but never brownie batter! Why not? The instruction say to do 500 strokes and mom feared I could not do that. So she past a silly fear down to me. Yesterday I took a small package that made a 8x8 pan of brownies and I made brownies!!! They were gooey and good.

Since I was without a car, here are some things that I did yesterday I am proud of:
*I watched the sermon on Nehemiah 6 on U-tube
*I washed the dishes and the counter tops. It's amazing in my tiny place how doing just a little thing like that makes my kitchen look so much nicer.
*I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I thought I had swept and I might have but not like yesterday. As I swept I swept up pieces of glass my son broke during break so I must have swept the middle not the edges of the floor. When I mopped, I was amazed how clean it felt.
*Some one asked me on my blog on while ago if I watched the Hallmark movie 'Royal Hearts'. I had not so yesterday I watched it. About 1/2 way through it, Hallmark channels froze! LOL!
*I watched 'When Calls the Heart'. My favorite scene was the picnic on Jack's land. I loved the lights everywhere. I wondered how many people had to set up that scene!
*I did my Wii step for 10 minutes; 5 minutes of Wii strength; 5 minutes of a balance game

My 2018 goals:
emoticon Read 30 minutes a day-no
emoticon Try a new recipe, a new food, learn something new-yes...brownies
emoticon Do one thing a day related to the month, season, holiday. Today is week #10 of 2018! I am working through this pin entitled 'Being Me 52 weeks of soul searching'. Week #10 is eating fresh. I am actually working on that!
emoticon Monthly goal: March out of my rut~Unsure what I will do today. I'm thinking of doing something I haven't done in a while like coloring but I am unsure yet!
emoticon Monthly Memory verse-Proverbs 16:16-wrote it in my journal finally.

emoticon Day #75 of winter, We are in a winter storm warning until 6 AM tomorrow. All schools in the area are closed. So far it's been very high winds since around 10 PM last night. The temp is at it's high of 38. I see dark clouds coming our way.
emoticon 4 days until my son's spring break!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Small goals add up!! I had a client once who was wheelchair bound and her life was controlled by her mother. she had no idea what size she wore. so, our first goal in counseling was for her to take off her clothes that night and read the tag to see what size she wore. Eventually she went out, took a bus alone and bought an Easter dress!! It took a long time, but the little goals added up to something marvelous for her!! We never know what we can do until we take that first baby step forward! I'd love to color! Stay warm & safe my friend!!
    853 days ago
    I have been having mini cleaning goals. Working on the windows over the next week. Every little bit helps. Did you ever get to see the rest of your movie?
    853 days ago
    Sorry your Hallmark channels froze. When Calls the heart is good too. That is a series thats on.

    Stay safe during storm. Hope it is the last one this year. Ours is tomorrow into Thursday.

    855 days ago
    This wind is AWFUL! Stay inside and safe. Time goes by so fast, it just seems like your son was home for Christmas. I love how you count down the days for him to come home again. I hope that he can fix your brakes easily. It is hard to not being able to go any where. Take care.
    855 days ago
    855 days ago
    emoticon Stay safe!
    856 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am happy that your son's break is coming up soon. It is probably a good thing that you can't drive at this time. You don't need to be out in the bad weather. However, I do hope that the brakes are fixed soon. I need to get down and do some of the cleaning that you have been doing.

    I love the quote on your blog. emoticon
    856 days ago
  • no profile photo CD18045457
    Stay safe in those storms. emoticon
    856 days ago
    We are under a wind advisory until tomorrow afternoon. The snow missed us, thank goodness. It's going to be windy and cold for the next couple of days.

    Brownies sound good. I'm not much on sweets, but I do like brownies. I put nuts in mine and my family gripes. Oh, well.

    Hope you have a nice evening.
    856 days ago
    What an awesome blog you have written. You have inspired me to get with some of my housework I put off because of my bad arthritic knees. You mentioned how you did it and I can do just a little at a time and eventually it will all get done. Thank you so very much. God bless you. emoticon emoticon
    856 days ago
    That's an early spring break. Here the kids don't get out till the last week of March. emoticon
    856 days ago
    Stay safe. Under an advisory, right now. have that feeling that it will be upped. But trying to stay positive!

    856 days ago
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