Tomorrow is my official weigh in day, one month from surgery. I'll take pictures, do measurements, all that jazz. I'm fitting the next size down clothes, I've had lots of NSVs, but overall I'm not doing so great. I've been eating food I should not. Solution, go back to drinking shakes for a few days and 'reset'. Yes my dietitian is okay with this. I've not told anyone in the family that for the past few days I've been eating off diet. I've been emotional eating, it hasn't been horribly bad, but it hasn't been good either. My anxiety is sky high and I have been having a hard time coping with it, though I am doing my coping skills. Why am I anxious? Your guess is as good as mine. My therapist and p-doc had different ideas, gonna work on those and see if I can get my level of anxiety down to a manageable range.
I need to get my motivation higher than my longing for food and my anxiety. Not sure how to go about doing that, but I'm going to try. I am motivated. Very. Maybe I need to revisit my reasons for losing weight. Let's start there.
The big reason I'm doing this is my health. I was basically told I would not live much longer than 5-10 years if I did not lose weight and fast. Whole reason I had the surgery in the first place. I had so many health complications, and was taking so much medication, it was scary. Sad that it had to get that bad for me to really do something about it.
I've always been a very active person, but since gaining this weight, I just can't do it. It makes me feel... not like me. I've been like this for years now and I miss hiking and biking and want to learn to kayak. One of my goals for the past three years has been to hike the approach trail of the the Appalachian trail, the trail head. An overnight trip.
I want to feel better about myself and it is difficult to do so when I feel like the stay-puffed marshmallow man. Just the little bit I've lost has be wearing shorts again.
Energy! I had no energy to do things with my kids, to go places, to do more than just sit around and wish for a nap. I have more energy now, and can't wait to see how much more energy I get as I keep exercising and losing weight.
I have had sleep problems since 10 years ago. At the moment I'm slowly weaning off the meds I take to sleep and praying that I don't need to stay on them. Also that my sleep apnea will go away as I lose weight.
I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I don't have to give up like my mother did and die early because of weight complications and diabetes. I don't mean that to sound harsh, I love my Mom, I miss her too. I want to stick around for a while for my kiddos.
I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see.
I want to be in good enough shape to keep up with my puppy and keep her healthy with plenty of walks and maybe some running.
I could think of quite a few more, but I am really tired and going to go to bed and think on this instead.. Maybe I will write a journal on reasons to lose the weight and keep going and look at it every time I start to stray.