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5 Days & 4 Nights

Friday, June 29, 2018

Hard as a board, I was expected to sleep-

On a bed four nights without a peep.

Mold on the bread, yet on a brand of bread that hardly shows evidence of moldy breakdown (CK Brand).

The Pantry was almost bare, no fresh fruit & veggies were there.

How oh How I feel for the people who don’t notice the “little things” while they struggle with their emotions and or mental “stuff”

Always eager to please, while falling down on their knees for some who hold the title of their position too tightly.

5 Days & 4 Nights- I gave up “MY TIME” so freely. So Sweetly- but I’m sure that wasn’t put into my chart. Most days I try to be polite- giving an non-argumentative approach…

But I’m sure my Chart would hold a different opinion. As I have struggled with “hearing voices, depression, anxiety, taking too much medication for harms sake, schizo-affective disorder-bi-polar type, NOT taking my medication therefore another hospital visit + prison time. Will my diagnosis EVER change? NO!! And that’s a fact. I AM BRANDED! I AM JUDGED! I AM NOT ALLOWED AND my pleasurable activities get taken away from me.

I know I am a “trouble maker” but I am here to help people like me…. Who struggle with the labels, the branding, the judges..

Would these people who “devote” their time to helping people who struggle with emotional, mental and or physical disorders still help out if a paycheck were not included?? I sure hope so… Here is an example: I work with a case worker. There was another case worker who needed help carrying up a storage unit of stacked drawers up about 8 stairs… While I was walking with my case worker, he was about to just walk by her: but I offered her assistance, so we helped. I do realize a lot of workers go into this field because they may have had experiences with an illness and are eager to know more, are curious, may have known someone who needed help, just wants to help others, like the money, etc…

All I know is this:::: LIFE is NOT FAIR! Especially for those of us branded with a severe Mental and Mood Disorder. I believe in God and Jesus is my Savior. I look forward to meeting my ultimate reward in heaven, although I will never find the peace I long for while I walk the earth. Time is on my hands. But I will speak out, and be a voice for those who cannot speak out for themselves.

Maybe I shouldn't voice my opinion so loudly... especially for those that are helping others...At least the others have their help... But these are the others in the category of being eager to please, not standing up for themselves, and following around orders that are reworded into "requests." Sorry for being so blunt... but I have a blog to check out with poems... It's a simple site because I have not learned how to properly blog = so the poems are just listed one after another....Here is the link.... encounteringcreativity.b
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I think I have discovered my voice... Maybe some will not agree, but there are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story- and sometimes I find some even fabricate their stories to be accepted by others especially the one they have to account to... but here is MY story.... I hope you enjoy. I also hope you have some time to take few small steps over to my blog called encountering creativity... You will not regret the energy it took to get you there..... Keep on, Jen
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