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When Illnesses Flair Up

Monday, July 23, 2018

I've been having PTSD episodes and panic attacks. To say I am not doing well is an understatement. I have been in bed most of the day with my pup, except when she needed to play then I had to let the girls watch her because I could not. This is one aspect of having the illnesses that I have that I hate. My full intention was to get up and work out. Instead I huddled around a cup a coffee in a blanket like it was my only lifeline. Hope (puppy) I've discovered was well chosen for being my service dog. Making crying sounds sends her into a frenzy of licking your face, crawling all over you and cuddling. She helped me stop panicking and brought me back to the present. And she is only 9 weeks old.

So I have not worked out today, but I would like to before I have dinner. Though at the energy level I am at that is not likely to happen. I don't want to push myself too hard when I'm like this. It makes me worse.

I try being more gentle on myself. If I need a nap, I take one. Unless there is something pressing that I must do, I take the day easy. That can be hard, I'm so used to pushing myself. So here I am on Spark, because I had to get out of bed at some point, lol. And I needed to spend time with Hope out of bed.

Turns out it was a good thing, Hope got ahold of one of the kids pink rubber toys. I was there when she was trying to throw it up and managed to get most of it out, I hope. It was enough that if it had made it to her intestine, we probably would be talking about a 3K operation here! So glad she threw it up with me there.

Anyway. When these times hit all I can do is be as gentle with myself as I can. I know there are things I should have gotten done, but today, I simply could not. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, but I will still have to take it somewhat easy on myself. These things don't just vanish as if nothing happened, they linger. It takes a while to recuperate.
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