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Saturday, July 28, 2018

Will has become more and more depressed and I had to call an ambulance on Friday evening, because I was so afraid he would take his own life. He is living in a 4th floor flat and he has talked before about throwing himself off the balcony in the past. I really thought he might do that on Friday. When he becomes really down, he resorts to alcohol, and each time he has attempted to kill himself it is after drinking enough to stop him feeling the pain. He phoned Laura, his girl friend/partner, several times on Friday and told her she had to go over and kill him. When I told him I had called the ambulance and finally got him to open the front door for them, he told me they had to kill him - it was their job. He was absolutely wrecked on Friday and totally incoherent.

He is now in the psychiatric ward - they took him to A & E on Friday evening and assessed him today. I spoke to the psychiatric consultant and we both agreed he couldn't continue as he is. Last Saturday he overdosed on a weeks supply of his antipsychotics - not enough to kill him, but enough to give him a bad reaction which took him to A & E then. He didn't wait to be assessed then because he was afraid they would section him, but because of this they were aware of how he has deteriorated and of course they checked his records so knew about his past history.

I am just praying that they will keep him in long enough and manage to persuade him to accept the help he needs. He lives nearly 3 hours drive away and second son, Phil was going to pick him up to bring him back home to me this evening, but of course his admission has stopped that, so we will visit tomorrow and hopefully be able to see the doctor and give them our perspective. It's really difficult for them to assess because he appears entirely rational but he doesn't tell them all his horrible thoughts which tell him how useless he is and what a burden he is to everyone, or his fears about becoming a father and failing to be both a good father and a good partner to his girl friend, Laura. Their baby is due in just 7 weeks time. He probably won't tell them about his fears of going out into crowded shops and areas as he tends to walk into people and they are likely to think he is drunk when he isn't, or his fears of asking for help.

I can't see anything changing unless he learns to ask for and accept help and learns to count his blessings. It is now 4 months since he lost most of his sight after he overdosed and nearly killed himself in March. He is so fortunate that he does have some sight - enough to use his smart phone, enough to still be able to manage in his small flat. He is surrounded by family who are all desperate to help him, and has so much support available if he would only ask for it and accept it. He could build himself a bright future, but has to climb a mountain to reach that, by accepting what has happened, counting his blessing and adapting to and making the most of his situation. Some doors are now closed to him, but so many more could open, if only he could see that and could reach towards them.

This is Will and Laura on Monday. I went up to see him on Sunday and took him out for lunch and to do some shopping. He seemed so much better an on Monday he took Laura to the butterfly farm for her birthday. They looks so happy here but from Tuesday everything went downhill.
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    My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope Will gets the help he needs and that all of you get the support you need as well. Please know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
    733 days ago
    I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Sending prayers for Will, you and your entire family
    733 days ago
    733 days ago
    Rosa, I'm so sorry about this!
    733 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
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    Rosa, My heart goes out to you and all your family. Mental illness is so tough to deal with and you (and your entire family) are doing their best to handle this tough situation. I hope he can finally take the help and overcome his inner demons.

    Best wishes for you and your family.
    733 days ago
    emoticon Oh, Rosa, my heart stirs and prayers for Will, Laura, the baby, Phil, YOU and the rest of your lovely family are going out!! May you each find the help you individually need through this dark time, and step out into the *sparkling* sunshine again. Will and Laura ARE sooo fresh and young looking and they truly look *happy* together. I wish hugs were the world's cure-all. I'd wrap my arms around you and wouldn't let go till you were all better. I hope your doctors CAN *see* what a fine family, full of hopes and dreams, and *blessed* you all are - even in yet another dark day. May they extend their *best* skills in medical treatment for Will, with counsel for your family. Will may not be capable or even aware of asking for help. Asking for help when hopelessness, fear, distrust and other complexities are consuming, is a VERY rare thing. His 'surface' presents a fairly well functioning person, BUT smart doctors will stop to review facts and remember training so they can sharply recognize the signs of what is concealed behind the barrier.
    733 days ago
    I am so sorry for the pain that your family and you are experiencing. Hopefully they will be able to help Will this time. I'm sure that the information you can provide will be most helpful.

    We are here for you.

    Hugs across the miles.
    734 days ago

    I am so sorry for all the pain you and your family have gone through. I just hope they can reach Will and give him the help that he needs. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs, Glenna
    734 days ago
    How very sad for each of you. I hope Will gets help too but it sounds like he doesn't take his medicine properly when he is released from the hospital. The alcohol use and improper use of medication makes his situation dire.
    Maybe everyone needs the respite of him being hospitalized. It just isn't a long term solution. It will be interesting to see if the child will be the push that makes him deal responsibility with his mental illness.

    Too much responsibility to put on a newborn....but I've heard that they can cause a positive life-change.
    737 days ago
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    738 days ago
    Keeping you and all in my prayers. Hopefully they will find Will some good help & services.
    738 days ago
  • JOANN25
    I am so sorry that your family is going through this. It's not just the individual, it's the whole family and they feel helpless as to how to help him.

    My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
    738 days ago
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