Wednesday, August 01, 2018
I'm exhausted. Worn thin. Tired out.
All the go-go-going of the past month and the crowds of the past week have really got to me. My anxiety is sky high, I've made it through a bunch of appointments today, but could not bring myself to go to Walmart to get the rest of the kids school supplies. Luckily DH is going to do it for me. I'm so lucky to have such an understanding DH.
I read this quote in an article on The Mighty, "...when we need to take a sick day, when we are brave enough to take some time for self-care, we need to be taken seriously. I’m not faking being sick. I’ve been faking being well." That is so true. I fake being well for so long and now I need a break. I need some down time, and I'm probably not going to get it. DH is having a particularly busy time at work and school is starting. True I will have while the kids are at school, but I'm usually running errands, upkeeping the house and watching the clock to make sure I'm not late picking up the kids. Now I will be training the dogs and working with the trainer every other day (Mon, Wed, and Fri).
I keep forgetting to eat. Forgetting to take care of myself. Forgetting to work out. Hopefully when school gets started tomorrow I can work on a routine. I'm making sure to take care of Hope fully and train her often, but I'm bogged down emotionally and I know she can pick up on that. She's been amazing. The kids are amazing. DH is awesome and wonderful. I feel bad that I'm like this, but I can't help it.
Yesterday was bad. I was shaking so bad from the crowds and the crush of all we have to get done for school, I just... I had a panic attack, not so bad that I needed help, but almost.
My therapist says I need to do some self care, take care of my tooth, do my paint by number, crochet, exercise... But when I'm a bundle of exposed nerves and anxiety, concentrating on a anything is so hard, add to that I'm getting a migraine. I just want to blank out. curl up and sleep or daydream. Hide away.
Hopefully the next two days I can take some me time in between car line and training. Maybe take a bath with some candles and hot tea.