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Wednesday, August 15, 2018

That is how I feel right now. I just want to lay down and pass out, it has been a hard day and thanks to nightmares I did not get enough sleep last night. Though Hope, my puppy (pictured above), slept the entire night on the bed so I didn't have to get up and take her out in the middle of the night, yay! That is two nights in a row! I want to go curl up and take a nap so bad, but DH is napping right now, and his sleep schedule has been thrown way off due to work, so I don't want to disturb him. Or at least I won't till it is dinnertime for Hope, her food is in our room and that is where she eats so that the other dog doesn't steal her food.

Saw my psychiatrist today, we are weaning me off of a medication that can cause weight gain, I'm so thankful for that! I've been wanting off of it since I found out that it can cause weight gain! We upped my anxiety meds and I go back in a month to see how I'm doing. I don't know how much longer I can stand being constantly so anxious. I'm having 3+ panic attacks a day. I am worn thin. And my CPTSD has been acting up the past week and a half, so that is not helping at all.

I feel so sick, I had too much cheese. I'm eating too much stuff I'm not supposed to. I quit! I'm going back to all shakes for at least three days to reset and then I'll do what the dietitian suggested, going to two shakes a day and one small meal. No more foods I'm not supposed to have, no matter how tempting it is!

I'm also switching from coffee to chai in the mornings. I'll have coffee as a treat the days I go to my therapist, but a plain latte, no syrup flavoring.

I want to be feeling better, it's really hard with anxiety and panic attacks and CPTSD sapping all of my energy. I'm praying that the med increase works and that I can work with my therapist to do something about all of this. I've lost 50+ pounds, i should be feeling great, but instead I just want to nap.

I'm trying to be kind and understanding with myself. I'm going to take a hot bath tonight, if DH doesn't sleep the whole evening away. And go to bed early if I can convince Hope to do so.
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