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The Inner Struggle

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

I’m really struggling. I started eating better again and counting my calories, but it goes deeper than measuring cups, food scales and how much I weigh. It’s how I’m feeling on the inside. I truly don’t know how to love and value myself the way I should. All of my life I never felt like I fit in and I still feel this way. I have so much to be grateful for yet the joy from within is lacking. I feel like a fraud. I encourage others but don’t take much of it for myself. I need to pray to God for His help cause I feel like I’m drowning, just going through the motions. I could be a size 10, (ideal size) and still not feel good about myself. I’m not looking for sympathy, only being raw with how I’m feeling and been feeling. This comes from years of abuse that I endured by others and also abuse I inflicted on myself. I know I’m here on this site for many reasons. It does my heart good to encourage others and oh how I wish I let others encouragement sink way down deep. I’m sorry, as I don’t mean to bring anyone down. I have to pray and fight my way out of this. I’ve always been a fighter and a survivor but I want to do more than survive. I want to live the life that God intended and also to fully accept myself. Thank you for listening.
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  • no profile photo CD22518161

    This blog (beautifully articulated) is several months old now.... I pray that you are feeling better than this, today.
    710 days ago
  • CARLOSLAKELAND
    Your words have inspired and encouraged me when I was down. Sending prayers of peace, understanding , and acceptance your way. God bless
    766 days ago
  • CARLOSLAKELAND
    Although I do not know you personally I do know that God created us all equal and in his own image. God does not make mistakes. he made us all unique for reasons we cannot understand. I think we all go through the same thing sometimes
    766 days ago
  • TCANNO
    It is good that you can talk about it. Find a close friend and have a real talk

    Good luck
    780 days ago
  • CAROLYNINJOY1
    It sounds like you're doing a lot of introspection and gaining some insights into why you are here. Read other people's blogs, Spark articles and keep on keeping on. Sending healing prayers your way.
    emoticon
    780 days ago
  • WALLAHALLA
    I know exactly how you feel because that is exactly where I am at right now. A friend advised that I ask God to give me a vision of the way He loves me. Even if He gave me that vision, I'm not entirely certain I would accept it as truth. You are definitely not alone, not that that helps any.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    782 days ago
  • SPARKLE-IT
    My so very special spark friend I feel your pain and what an emotional blog. Much love to you through Christ and may He heal your pain forever.🤗🤗🤗

    I wasn't physically abused at a young age, but I was deeply and emotionally hurt by my dad's lack of love for me or his not knowing how (he knew how to love ny older brother and later my step brothers). He didn't know how to love me or my mom either and after 26 yrs divorced her (she never stopped loving him, never understood and deserved so much better). It broke my heart once I understood what all had taken place yet at the time I fell short in my helping my mom through it all.

    I've been abusive to myself even though God blessed me with such a loving mom and her parent's too. They totally believed and trusted God and I thank them each day for their teaching me about Him and His love, mercy and forgiveness and always being there for me. If not for their teachings, even though I rejected them along my journey, I would not be here today (I would have taken my own life). Now, I totally love, trust and thank God for everything!

    God has blessed me with such a loving husband, two awesome girls and lots of grandkids. Still, life itself is not easy, but with God it's possible and one must find their true joy and peace from within and in Him. Learn to love one's self which never made sense to me for most of my life, but does now.

    You know this and while there are trails, darkness, storms or whatever you want to call them we all have them, but what's important is that we each keep our faith knowing that God will lead us through them and bring us closer to and stronger in Him.

    Keep your faith in Jesus strong Nancy don't give doubt, fear, worry, loneliness or any of those negative things power. We know God is with us and only wants the very best of everything for each one of us so trust in Him. Just love and trust in Jeaus and He'll take care of everything. 🤗🤗🤗
    782 days ago
  • LIZANDRASHAW
    Nancy, I'm in the same struggle. Hang in there. Keep working on you. Every time you encourage someone else, remind yourself that everything great you say about them is true about you. Over time, your thoughts will shift as truth starts to take hold. You are a beautiful person, daughter of the King, and completely loved.
    782 days ago
  • CINDY247
    Thanks for sharing your struggles. You are not alone! We are here for you and praying for you too 💕
    782 days ago
  • ARMY_MOM17
    ...it is good to release that pent up emotion. hope you told God these things.we are His children and He does care.He also put us together to aid one another.hope this isn't offensive, so you might want to reach out to a therapist or other Mental Health professional
    .they are very helpful in getting you through emotional tsunamis...
    .. peace ☮️ be with you...
    782 days ago
  • NOCALORIES
    God is loving you. You do not have to pray to be loved. The praying helps you to realize God is present and remind yourself of God is your .strength. Live today being aware you are the child of God and He is caring for you always.
    783 days ago
  • SOULFISH80
    Recognizing our own truths and seeing a brighter future is a great step in the right direction. With God all things are possible. Sparkpeople is a great site for getting uplifting support. I'm glad you're here. emoticon
    783 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/28/2018 11:50:37 PM
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