Sunday, September 23, 2018
6.5 pounds. I have lost 6.5 pounds since September 6th. I would like to say that I am proud of myself...but truth is, I'm not. I have been watching what I am eating and because of the challenge I am going through the steps of working out. There is ZERO heart in what I am doing. And it is totally a mental thing. I know this. I have lost 40 pounds on this method before. But I was 20 pounds lighter when I started this the last time.
I went to a wedding this weekend. After weeks of looking for something to wear, I gave up and bought something pretty similar to what I am used to wearing. I put it on last night and I cried. I looked like a beluga whale. I don't know what I was thinking buying that dress. Did I honesty look at myself in the mirror and think that I looked good? If I did, I clearly need to wear my glasses more! But that has been my overall problem. I have NEVER been this weight. EVER! I don't know how to dress for this body. I don't know how to live in this body. My cousins were asking to dance last night but I was wearing heels and they couldn't handle the weight of my body. I felt horrible for my husband. I don't want him to see me like this. He loves me, this I know. And he has never indicated that he does not find me attractive. But because I am living with these insecurities, I shut down. I back away. I posted a pic of the dress. UGH!
I am still working with the nutritionist and that part I enjoy. This program really focuses on the basics of eating. Discovering why I eat. Actions and reactions. It has definitely been an eye opening experience. I started journaling as a result so bear with me. Often times I find it easier to get on here...
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. May you have a fabulous week. Tomorrow is a new day.