My Adventures in Spark Land...Day 86 of 365 days...Holiday Spirit I have lost
Saturday, October 27, 2018
I grew up with a mom rule that we were not even to think about Christmas until the Monday after Thanksgiving except for practicing for the Christmas programs for church and school. I was totally in shock when I my 3 room mates in college started playing Christmas music mid-October. I thought my mom rule for everyone. I was also shocked when friends introduced me to my 1st Hallmark Christmas movie and all the Hallmark ads. They also introduced me to my 1st non Hallmark Christmas movie. This was the days before cable. I had never seen a Christmas before and I totally loved them!
Yesterday Hallmark started their countdown to Christmas. As I sat and watched me 2nd Christmas movie, something hit me. Christmas is a feeling. As I thought about this I remember as a kid asking my mom why I couldn't started watching Christmas specials and listening to Christmas music and start my Christmas shopping and start to decorate before Thanksgiving. She told me if I started I would get sick of Christmas before Christmas came. I watched my 3 room mates, they never got sick of Christmas before Christmas came. In fact they were fulling in the Christmas Spirit and were pushing me into the Christmas spirit in ways I had never been pushed before. They had me wearing Christmas colors, wearing bells on my shoes and bows in my hair. But when I came home, my family didn't share the same Christmas spirit. It was more like Christmas was something we had to do because this is what people expect us to do.
After my mom died, I started watching 'Home and Family' on Hallmark. Soon Hallmark was having Christmas in July and I got excited but soon learned I could not share that excitement because my family and friends didn't share my Christmas spirit.
As I reflected more on this Christmas spirit, I remembered my nephew. His parent's split when he was 8 months old and his mom put in the court orders that I was never to be alone with him. He is 11 1/2 months younger then my son. This little munchkin would beg to go with me because he was board with his dad. He was in grade school when he was a little stinker. I told him if he didn't behave he was going to get coal for Christmas. The more I said that the worst he got. I could not figure it out! What was I going to do? I found in Walmart a bag of coal (black gum) that I gave to him and something else. He told me after he open my gift that he was being a stinker because he wanted a real piece of coal. I found out a few months ago he still has that bag of coal. His parent's fought over who was going to get him for his birthday. The day my son turned 10, my nephew was 9. His dad was working nights so he and my son were having a sleep over my parent's. I woke my son up by singing to him and gave him his gift then we went off to celebrate the day. After we left, my mom said my nephew cried. For 8 years his parent's had been fighting over having him on his birthday but neither parent did anything special with him on his birthday.
Ever since my mom died, our holidays have been 'off'. My nephew asked his dad about a month before Easter 2018 'what are the plans for Easter?' His dad told him to go spent Easter with his girlfriend's family. My brother spend it with his ex-girl friend and her family, my married brother spent it with his in-laws. My son spent it with his girlfriend. And I was alone.
When I stopped and thought about the Christmas Spirit, I realized it's not just a Christmas Spirit, it's a Holiday Spirit and I lost mine on Easter. The reason why mom didn't want us to think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving wasn't because she don't want to rush the holidays, it's because my family lacked the Holiday Spirit. We just go through the motions of the holidays, we rush through each holiday, and no one even enjoys them. No one has the Holiday Spirit.
As I sat and watched 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown' last night I realized why I could related to Charlie Brown. I was always watching my classmates enjoy the holiday spirit and I never had it so I never knew how to join in.
Because I lost my Holiday Spirit and my family doesn't ever have Holiday Spirit, it doesn't matter if I am watching Christmas movies on Hallmark or Halloween movies of Free Form. Because for me it's not about rushing through the holidays, it's about getting my Holiday Spirit back in order to cope with my family and the upcoming Holidays. I am sick of just going through the motions of the Holidays. I want to celebrate them! Plus if I am in a Holiday Spirit, that is also Self-Care and Self-Love.
Thank you for reading my blog. Keep Sparkling!