Tuesday, December 11, 2018
It has been years since I have been able to feel in control of my eating. The last time I made really solid choices about my health was while I was pregnant with baby boy #3. I had gotten diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was devastated. He was enough of a reason though to eat well and I did, more for his sake than mine. However, as soon as he was born and all our tests came back normal, I carb loaded something awful and haven't been able to gain control since. It's been over 4 years.
Fast forward to 3 days ago, I finally got frustrated enough with my body and my weight to make some permanent changes. Keep in mind that I have started so many diets in the last 4 years and I can usually do it for about a week before I give up. Even in the midst of the first week, I find myself struggling with saying no to things like cookies, ice cream, cake etc. when it is offered. 3 days ago, I downloaded 2 health and fitness apps to my phone, this one and one other that I am using for a very specific purpose. That day I had read about making S.M.A.R.T. goals. Now, I have heard this more times than I can count in the last year and a half as I have pursued my degree but it never really clicked until Sunday. It was at that moment that I realized that one of the things that kept me from sticking with a diet was that I had no ending goal outside of reaching my goal weight. It didn't take me long to pick a date with graduation looming over me in the next 5 months or so.
Last night, at the end of the evening, I found myself starving right before bed. I hadn't logged my food since breakfast due to making a poor choice during snack time so I had no idea where I was at for calorie intake. I decided to log my food anyway so I would at least know how poorly I did and I discovered that I was still 200 calories under my minimum. I was going to allow myself 2 oreo cookies and some milk but I walked into the kitchen and all the sudden I didn't want them. I ended up grabbing a banana and a piece of string cheese instead.
Those who don't understand the struggles I have faced with food addictions and uncontrollable sugar cravings in the past years may not think that this is a big deal but I seriously feel like shouting from the rooftops because I am so proud of making that decision. Not only because I made the decision but because making that decision did not feel like a punishment. I actually WANTED the banana and string cheese instead of the cookies.
Suddenly I feel like my goal is 100% achievable.