What do I say?
Thursday, January 03, 2019
I am 36 and chubby. Honestly, I'm pretty blessed because I rarely look in the mirror and hate what I see. I'm built like a linebacker. I've heard it my whole life. Broad shoulders, broad back, broad hips, big feet.
I mean, yeah. I'm 5'9" and have been since age 13.
So I guess I'll start with the long shtuff made short.
I developed bulimia in high school, like a lot of women (and some men).
My heaviest was 287 lbs. I remember the number clearly as the doctor, who upon first meeting, fat shamed me, told me there was "enough of me to make 2 people" and told me if I "ate anything besides fried cheese I might lose some weight."
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and got married shortly after that. Then I did weight watchers and lost 112 lbs between that and exercise.
With my hypothyroidism now under control I could sweat (did you know that's a side effect of untreated hypothyroidism? Not sweating properly? Me either.) And suddenly found I was madly in love with the ability to exercise and sweat. Seriously, yall. I still get excited when I feel sweat running down my body! And fell in love with boxing.
But my marriage ended and over the next few years I packed on first 10, and then 50 lbs.
Life. Am I right?
Anyway, I managed to lose 20 and now I'm on the struggle bus HARD.
I honestly hate what weight watchers has done. It no longer works for me. I'm sure its amazing for a lot of folks, I'm just not one of them.
So here I am. Trying SP for the umpteenth time. I dont want to be 170 again. Since all the changes I've discovered I love weight lifting.
Like. LOVE. Also: buti yoga. And kick boxing. And dancing, which I'm horrible at and people look at me like I have problems.
But that's ok. None of this is for anyone else.
I'm in love, and he adores me at any size, and vis-versa. I've helped him pack on 50 lbs of mostly muscle from a hyper lean body (6'5" 155 to now 205!)) and now I catch him flexing in the mirror and its freaking adorable.
Sorry, I got off track.
Anyway, that's probably the best news here. This isnt for anyone else. It's for me. Because I miss feeling good. I miss not being frightened of the "regular clothing" section. SO MANY MORE OPTIONS, y'know?
And my body just FEELS slower than it was. And I miss throwing crazy powerful punches at lightening speed and I've never experienced buti with a Onederland body. I want that.