SP Premium
100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 130,465

Hi, my name is Rebecca and I am a perfectionist...

Saturday, January 12, 2019

September 2009. Out of curiosity, I just looked up when I joined this site and it was September of 2009. Hard to believe that it was almost ten years ago...

A lot happens in ten years. A lot HAS happened in ten years. I kind of wish I had some kind of device that would let me go back to this time and see who I was as a person. I know I have learned some pretty hard lessons in the past few years, I am sure that girl is a lot different than the woman I am now. I am willing to bet that girl, who had enough of a weight issue to want to join this site, was a lot lighter than the girl I am now. I shudder to think how pounds I have lost and gained back over the past ten years.

Where did I go wrong? I think one of my biggest problems is that I am a perfectionist. I don't like starting anything unless I have the time to make sure it is done to the absolute best of my abilities. If I slack and I know I slack, it will bother me until I go back and fix it. I am also an emotional/bored/any-excuse-you
-can-imagine eater. I am not a smoker, I have never touched a drug and I drink very rarely. My vice is eating. These two traits combined have led to one heck of a roller coaster this past decade. I would do good for a while (to be clear, I HAVE done good... I am still over 40 pounds down from my heaviest), mess up, get disappointed at myself, mess up some more and crash for a while. It has truly been a vicious cycle.

I tried to do better last year. I told myself that I was able to mess up (either my calories or gym-going) for a day if I really didn't feel like it but I HAD to get back on it the next day. Unfortunately, this was a little too lenient for me because I really didn't feel like it a lot.

This year, I have enhanced the plan. I believe that you do not fail until you truly just give up; so as long as I am tweaking the process, I am not failing. I have seen SparkGuy stressing the importance of ten minutes a day for a while, so I am going to give this ten minutes a valiant effort. Instead of "letting" myself mess up, I am going to "let" myself have the opportunity to change my own lazy mind. When I feel the insane need to gorge on calories or skip the gym, I am going to make myself do ten minutes. I am willing to bet that by the time I am done with ten minutes of exercise, I will have no desire to eat junky food. And if I truly feel like I cannot do more than ten minutes, then I can quit. I am also willing to bet I won't quit very often (the hardest part is starting, right?)

I already tested the plan this morning. I was jonesing sooo bad for a stop at McDonald's this morning (side note would be that I left my hummus for my broccoli at home and I think I was just craving the salty taste). When I got to the gym (which, unfortunately, has moved to the other side of town from work, meaning I have to drive by McDonald's), I sat in my car for no less than 20 minutes, convincing myself to just go in. Eventually, I did. Today was a victory.

Will I mess up? I am certain. Will it be okay? I hope so. Will I give up? Never. Because it will bother me until I go back and fix it (see what I did there?) emoticon

I also have a reward system set up. I have had one set up for pounds lost for years. In addition to this, I have a new one that has NOTHING to do with pounds lost and everything to do with my time at the gym and my eating habits. I am pretty satisfied with where this entry is, so I will save this topic for another time.


P/S As this is my newest attempt for starting over, I am very willing to make new friends. By all means, please reach out to me =)
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats on your victory today! Enjoy each victory.

    I started in 2009 as well, took a break for a couple years and decided to get back on and stay. It's an up and down ride for me but it's all good. I have good, healthy habits in place without having to think too much about it.

    Here's to a healthy week ahead!
    408 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    I will be here ten years I believe on the 19th . I am right there with you. I say I have lost 1000 lbs during that time with all my loss and gain. I can say I have lost 100 lbs. that has stayed off but really wish I could lose all I need to. I try to remember everything I have learned. I have given up the soda habit. I do weigh my food now (this last year's victory) and when I can I exercise (health issues prevent it at times). We can pat oursleves on the back that we are still here and still trying to reach our healthy goals.
    408 days ago
    Keep trudging that road to happy destiny, each day is a new start!
    408 days ago
    It's my 10 year Sparkversary around the 25th of this month. Like you, I have lost and gained. Overall, I've done well in building up my immune system by making better choices. Welcome back.
    408 days ago
    408 days ago
    I joined 10 years ago, lost and gained the same weight over and over in those years, and a perfectionist in recovery. Learning to forgive myself had been a blessing, and has allowed me peace of mind. I'm stronger than ever. Thanks for your words.
    408 days ago
    You really do get me, I am working on the same things!
    408 days ago
    I get you! I am also a perfectionist. But, life ISN’T perfect. And I mess up. I am trying to focus on 1) forgiving MYSELF and 2) getting right back on with the NEXT bite or step. Together - we GOT this!
    408 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.