September 2009. Out of curiosity, I just looked up when I joined this site and it was September of 2009. Hard to believe that it was almost ten years ago...
A lot happens in ten years. A lot HAS happened in ten years. I kind of wish I had some kind of device that would let me go back to this time and see who I was as a person. I know I have learned some pretty hard lessons in the past few years, I am sure that girl is a lot different than the woman I am now. I am willing to bet that girl, who had enough of a weight issue to want to join this site, was a lot lighter than the girl I am now. I shudder to think how pounds I have lost and gained back over the past ten years.
Where did I go wrong? I think one of my biggest problems is that I am a perfectionist. I don't like starting anything unless I have the time to make sure it is done to the absolute best of my abilities. If I slack and I know I slack, it will bother me until I go back and fix it. I am also an emotional/bored/any-excuse-you
-can-imagine eater. I am not a smoker, I have never touched a drug and I drink very rarely. My vice is eating. These two traits combined have led to one heck of a roller coaster this past decade. I would do good for a while (to be clear, I HAVE done good... I am still over 40 pounds down from my heaviest), mess up, get disappointed at myself, mess up some more and crash for a while. It has truly been a vicious cycle.
I tried to do better last year. I told myself that I was able to mess up (either my calories or gym-going) for a day if I really didn't feel like it but I HAD to get back on it the next day. Unfortunately, this was a little too lenient for me because I really didn't feel like it a lot.
This year, I have enhanced the plan. I believe that you do not fail until you truly just give up; so as long as I am tweaking the process, I am not failing. I have seen SparkGuy stressing the importance of ten minutes a day for a while, so I am going to give this ten minutes a valiant effort. Instead of "letting" myself mess up, I am going to "let" myself have the opportunity to change my own lazy mind. When I feel the insane need to gorge on calories or skip the gym, I am going to make myself do ten minutes. I am willing to bet that by the time I am done with ten minutes of exercise, I will have no desire to eat junky food. And if I truly feel like I cannot do more than ten minutes, then I can quit. I am also willing to bet I won't quit very often (the hardest part is starting, right?)
I already tested the plan this morning. I was jonesing sooo bad for a stop at McDonald's this morning (side note would be that I left my hummus for my broccoli at home and I think I was just craving the salty taste). When I got to the gym (which, unfortunately, has moved to the other side of town from work, meaning I have to drive by McDonald's), I sat in my car for no less than 20 minutes, convincing myself to just go in. Eventually, I did. Today was a victory.
Will I mess up? I am certain. Will it be okay? I hope so. Will I give up? Never. Because it will bother me until I go back and fix it (see what I did there?)
I also have a reward system set up. I have had one set up for pounds lost for years. In addition to this, I have a new one that has NOTHING to do with pounds lost and everything to do with my time at the gym and my eating habits. I am pretty satisfied with where this entry is, so I will save this topic for another time.
P/S As this is my newest attempt for starting over, I am very willing to make new friends. By all means, please reach out to me =)