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My food defenses have been down since day 1 of 2019

Friday, January 18, 2019

Three nights in the past 18 days I've had real ice cream.

Three bagels with cream cheese, one without in those 18 days.

Deconstructed cookies (peanut butter, oats, nuts and a bit of sugar) as a snack.

I had lunch with my BFF yesterday. We haven't seen each other in a while and the chatting started in the parking lot. While chatting, I contemplated my lunch and my brain said: yes to the burger, remove the roll and order grilled veggies instead of fries. My mouth said something different and while eating that burger, in it's bun, I chowed down on sweet potato fries.

I had soup, then cheese and crackers for dinner! This is sooo 2013 for me!!! What's up?

The rest of my eating has been terrific and my weight is staying the same, probably due to my exercising.

Maybe it's related to working so closely with DH on his items which certainly hits me in my anxieties. He's been gifting me food as an apology. While we have managed to store this stuff in a reduced volume, it's not been reduced in number. He sees labeled kits of toys, I see an electronic storage facility. Seriously.

Sigh. At least I can close the doors. I almost have one of the kids bedrooms cleaned out enough to make my "quiet space" and told DH it's happening. Perhaps in my own little nook I'll calm down and grasp my inner strength again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's a process. You haven't given up. You can recover from this.
    488 days ago
    Yup. Stuffing down your feelings.
    It's a lot to swallow.

    Good for you making the connection.

    That's a lot of time you just spent rearranging the deckchairs. And they're not even your deckchairs. You do need to take up more space.

    Will DH consider treatment for his hoarding?
    491 days ago
  • no profile photo CD22518161

    Try not to look for perfection, but progress. You are certainly making progress and that's something to celebrate!!
    492 days ago
    I don't think you are doing all that bad. The problem actually is that mating season has started. We noticed it today - the male cardinals have started feeding the female cardinals seeds. They are one of the first birds to breed here. I think it's a nice courtship ritual. Much nicer than having some savage jump on your back and try to hump you. Your beau is obviously a cardinal thus you are being fed choice "seeds" like bagels and ice cream. I tried to get my old turkey interested in this behavior today. I got nothing. emoticon
    492 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2019 11:38:37 AM
    It's definitely TOUGH!!!
    493 days ago
    OK lady … what's really, really up with you???

    Hubby's better.
    Hubby's crap.
    Hubby doesn't need you like he did coz of his illness.
    Janet is not as in charge when hubby wasn't.

    I lost 100+ pounds. NO one did it for me.
    Sparkers were supportive … but I did it for me.
    THEN I let hubby's known situation … undo me totally.
    Hmmm … that's not on him … that's on me.

    Just sayin'. Tough love … but total love for ya don'tchaknow.

    493 days ago
    Am sure I'm not alone in reading your words and seeing myself. You've made many changes and are healthier for it - just emoticon
    493 days ago
    Geez...that has gotta be it...the stress of trying to be being kind while helping him deal with all his treasured crap.
    How else can you reduce your stress besides comfort eating?
    494 days ago
    I hear you, my friend! Food is a go-to comfort, years after having shed the "bulk"! Breathe, soak up the soothing of your space, and let it go... hopefully you'll be re-centered!
    494 days ago
    Dang chica, you’re some kinda strong. Seriously, NEVER forget that. You’re also human, those dietary blips and speed bumps occasionally worm their way in. Miss Behaving loves to visit and will gladly use any cracks as an excuse to pay you a visit. You’ve fallen down a mighty hole, time to stop digging. One choice at a time, saying no is empowering. You’ve changed your life and your habits, time to remember. An indulgence is vastly different than a staple...time to usher you know who outta your house. Feels amazing...
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    494 days ago
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