A Little More About Me (and the yo-yo we all go through)
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
Several years ago (in my early 20's) I was in a miserable relationship and ate to comfort myself. I was quite shocked when I stepped on the scale and found myself at 233lbs. How had I gotten that far? I am 5'8" and always heard "you don't look like you weigh ____" and so I never felt like I was 233 lbs.
Fast forward, I found SparkPeople and lost 50 lbs just by changing what I ate! I stayed around 180 lbs and felt great. But, the emotional rollercoaster that came with it had only just begun. My ex-husband literally threw a tantrum that I was getting rid of my bigger clothes, telling me I was just going to regain the weight and there was no point in me trying. Yeah, he was that kind of person. In spite of my emotional roller coaster, I had managed to keep the weight off, and even started learning how to weight lift.
Fast forward again, Spring of 2014 I was divorced (good riddance) and spent a good chunk of my newfound free-time working out, whether it be walking the dog for an hour, lifting weights twice a day, or going to boot camp classes. I was super focused on getting stronger and losing weight. I stayed around 180, but I felt good!
Summer of 2015 I had a lot of free time on my hands, I was back living with my parents and going to college full time in the Spring and Fall, but I only had two classes that summer, so I had time on my hands. I became hyper-focused on what I ate and how much I worked out. To the point that I got down to the lowest weight in my adult life - 168.
There were a couple problems with this. 1. At 5'8" 168 is still considered overweight by BMI standards, and 2. I lifted weights 2-3 hours a day and rode my bike 10-15 miles a day. I burned off everything I ate. So while I was the lowest weight I'd been since I was a teen, I was overweight and I was starving to maintain it. I later discovered this behavior is called Exercise Bulimia. The moment I quit burning everything I ate and burnt out on exercising for hours on end, I gained 20lbs in a month.
I held my weight around 185-190 for a while, and college took over my life and my health took a back seat. Being in your late 20's in college and having a job and a home life, you tend to prioritize things a little differently than when you're younger and have seemingly boundless energy. Oh, and my (new) husband was overseas, which just added a layer of complexity and exhaustion to the mix.
After graduating with my Bachelors in December of 2017, I moved across the country to Virginia. I stepped on the scale for the first time in a really long time and discovered I was back up to 220 lbs. I was upset. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to get back into weightlifting. And so I did. But I didn't track my food.
So I'd go to the gym almost every day, but I'd eat like junk. I didn't lose more than a few pounds.
This year, starting around the last week of December of '18, I made the decision that I want to be healthier. I found out I have degenerative disc disease in my lower lumbar in my back, and several other things going on with my knees and hips. These things aren't going to get better with time or extra weight, and so the answer is to start loving myself enough to track my food and care about what I'm putting in my body.
I love myself, and that's enough to get this weight off for good!