SP Premium
TRACEOFHOPE
1,000-2,499 SparkPoints 1,005
SparkPoints
 

A Beginning and a Middle

Saturday, February 02, 2019

I'll make a brief introduction.

I'm Trace. I'll be 40 in two weeks and I'm very happy about that. I'm divorced and also happy about that. I'm overweight, and have been since the age of 13 when PCOS showed up fast and fierce and I gained 80 pounds in 3 months. That was less than fun.

I have 4 jobs. Not a typo.

Job 1 pays my bills
Job 2 lets me put money toward the future
Job 3 is what I want my future to be
Job 4 is what's left of a past career and also is pretty much my social life.

They're all important but they mean I work around 75 hours a week. Sometimes more depending on the week. I find myself stressed and tired, and while I love everything I'm doing (except some days job 1 involves a lot of vomit and stress so.... not so much then but all jobs have bad days) there's so much of it that I have a hard time juggling.

I lost 90 pounds many years ago with Sparkpeople. It was awesome. I worked hard at it but it was simple. I've gained 60 of that back and have tried all kinds of programs (Weight Watchers and Noom being the most recent) but found that they both led to me eating a lot less than I did here, feeling frustrated, even more tired and cranky, and not dealing with some pretty important issues.

The biggest one is this.

I eat so I can sleep.

I get up at 5:30. I get home from work at about 4, work until 7 or 8, and then want to go to bed. I'm keyed up and thinking too much... and somewhere along the way I got into the habit of eating and drinking to make the thinking (and feeling) stop so I could sleep. It worked. It still works, but I'm getting bigger and more tired.... and it's not how I want to be.

One of the things I've promised myself that I would do, is to blog in the evenings so that I can let some feelings out, maybe eventually let myself feel them more freely, and not keep trying to make myself numb. So here's the beginning of that.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DWROBERGE
    emoticon emoticon
    380 days ago
  • FITMARY
    Any chance that some light early evening exercise would help you relax? It might work better than either eating or blogging.... Swimming would be perfect, but who has that option? Not me. Walking in place, though, or Pilates, yoga, a little cardio followed by stretches? Might be just the ticket. And Coach Nicole on Spark people has a short video for almost any situation.
    Good luck!
    385 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Welcome to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. You have to make you #1 and tell yourself that you are worth it. And remember you didn't gain the weight overnight and you won't lose it overnight. It takes time, determination, motivation and support. You can get it all right here! If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. If I can help in anyway, feel free to reach out to me! You can do it! We are here to help! Welcome and get active on this site. emoticon
    385 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Welcome to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. You have to make you #1 and tell yourself that you are worth it. And remember you didn't gain the weight overnight and you won't lose it overnight. It takes time, determination, motivation and support. You can get it all right here! If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. If I can help in anyway, feel free to reach out to me! You can do it! We are here to help! Welcome and get active on this site. emoticon
    385 days ago
  • MOMMA48
    emoticon with your strong determination and positive attitude you will reach your goal--and great going on writing a blog to release those feelings--wonderful idea!!! And I look forward to reading your blogs and watching that super progress keep coming!
    385 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/2/2019 8:41:28 PM
  • GTNHEALTHY
    WOWZERS are you busy!!!! Looks like you are finding time for yourself as well, which is so important! Have a blessed weekend!
    385 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.