Fabulous at 40!
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
I turned 40 last June, and it was really difficult. I was looking at my life and my physical state, and thinking that something has got to change. I am not happy, and I REALLY want to be happy.
I am the heaviest I have been in.... well.... EVER, and I've been pregnant 2 times (both times to term). I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself. How did I let it get this bad?
I am struggling with anxiety and depression.
My marriage is a whole other issue, which I am sure is not helping! I have been having an internal struggle about staying in my marriage for the past 7 years. Some unpleasant things happened (not affairs) that sent us together, and me on my own to the therapist. We have seen 5 different therapists together and I have seen three different therapists on my own. Two of the therapists told me that he was the most rigid man they've ever met and that if I want to stay with him, I am going to have to live with him the way he is. Not very positive if you ask me!
Anyway, I am currently all over the place... reading self-help books (more than one at a time, because THAT'S productive), trying to get into doing meditation, looking for answers to just come to me instead of working for them, trying to figure out how to lose weight (even though I know what needs to be done, I'm just too busy looking to actually DO the work), wanting to start a business, wanting to be there for my kids in a productive and meaningful way, but lacking the energy, focus, follow-through, and confidence to do any of it.
So, I am starting back at square one...with my weight!