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It Comes as No Surprise

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Saturday, March 02, 2019


This morning, my bathroom scale confirmed my week-long misbehavior, announcing in that robotic voice "206.1 pounds," a 2.2-pound gain from last Saturday. Cissy's results were similar. While I was not happy to hear it, I didn't expect a loss. It has not been lost on me that my waistbands and buttons screamed in protest when I got dressed this week. I very knowingly overate many times, and I was keenly aware that my mindset and willpower were not on par in regard to calorie-counting. Thus, it comes as no surprise that I gained this week. The only real surprise is that I did not gain more than I did.


For the sake of taking a look at the numbers, I ate 12,563 calories in the past week; likely more, actually, because the one day, I completely lost track and had to guesstimate, based on a run-in with breakfast at Bob Evans and the box of "Thin" Mints I bought. (Could any cookie be more inappropriately labeled? Of course, the GSA might sell less than they did during the paperclip and sewing needles incident in 1984 if they called them "Chubby Mints.") My magic number (what works for me) is 1,200 calories a day, 8,400 a week. Put in terms of income tax filing, my rendezvous with the scale this week was like naively hoping for a refund, only to find out I actually owe $4,163. That wouldn't be fun when dealing with the IRS, and it's certainly not fun when dealing with the LBS either.


So, what's my excuse? None, because I don't believe in excuses. I devoured too much food. I let my guard down. I literally stopped caring on many days. I was weak almost all week. Mostly, I decided it was more important to celebrate ignorantly, because I finally got through all the red tape and landed that better-paying, hopefully nontoxic job, which I start on Monday. (Again, thanks for all your prayers on that, my friends!) As etymology would have it, I held true to the Latin "celebr-," ("much-frequented") when it came to what I "-ate." I much frequented my cupboards and fridge and local eateries, and I ate, ate, ate! With all due respect to the singer and his Gang, there was nothing Kool about it. Maybe I should have thrown on some 80s hits like that and danced like a lunatic around my house. Of course, the neighbors and my dogs would have looked at me funny, but at least I might have had something to celebrate. As it was, I opted instead to take in tons of extra sugar, fat, and calories without expending any. Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but stress, doing laundry, typing, and walking to the Coffeemaker and restroom do not count as aerobics.


The thing is, today is a new day, the start of a new week. (Sorry, but my scale doesn't base things on the Sabbath, because Saturdays are the most convenient times for me to weigh in.) When we have setbacks, we must examine why, then continue on with the aim of not repeating that behavior. Otherwise, it's just insanity, right? It is one thing to gain weight without an obvious explanation; it is entirely different when we know where we erred. I erred with brioche French Toast and Girl Scout Cookies, chocolate Special K, buttered popcorn, at least a couple varieties of cheese, and even too many of the scotch eggs I made from a low-cal ground chicken recipe (it isn't so lo-cal when you eat a whole barnyard and coop's worth in one sitting, folks). This coming week is going to wreak havoc on my emotional/mental state, as well as on my eating schedule, because my job orientation will come with a boatload of stresses, including meeting many new people, working a few 12-hour days, with hour-long bus commutes to headquarters in the newest wintry Ohio blast, and learning what, exactly, an Administrative Support person is expected to do at a very prominent silicon-manufacturing company. But, unless I want to have to take more marbles out of my Pounds Lost jar next week, I'm going to have to get a better grip.


Weigh-ins should never come as a surprise, because we need to be mindful of what we are doing. When we mess up or stress up, the first step is to fess up. Then, we can consider it a learning opportunity and do our best to turn it around. Don't make excuses. Don't try to blame it on circumstances or inconvenience or lack of time, money, or other resources. Don't beat yourself up either. Just thank the Creator for this new day, this new chance, and then be smarter in how you celebrate the blessings He gives. That's what I'm going to do...as well as ignore those cute little girls in the green and brown vests!

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