Wednesday, March 06, 2019
At the end of your life when you look back at all your successes all your failures are you going to be able to look within and feel pride ? Are you going to be able to say without a shadow of a doubt that you lived your best possible life, that you gave this life everything you had your ALL ? Far to often we get so busy from day to day that we lose sight of our hopes and dreams. Have you gotten so busy that you forget what you even want to achieve out of this life ? I know I have. I also know that I have not given it my all, I have not lived my best possible life. Sure over the years I have come so very far. But life happens, kids happen, work happens. All of this comes together and you get so busy that you lose sight of who you once were. You become a shadow of your former self. Some of it is regular maturing and lets be honest we all need to grow up sometime but some of it, some of it is little bitty pieces of ourselves right down to our very core that we let go of slowly. Probably without even realizing it were losing it until one day we look around and don't even know who we are or what we are striving for in this life anymore.
I have been in abusive relationships that chipped away at me, I have gone through depression that really turned me into someone I never want to know again. But that to chipped away a little piece of my former self. I became a mom which is the best possible thing that I could ever have happen but again it changes you. Not for the worse per say but your life is shifted and you adapt to the new you. I work two jobs to provide for my family which leaves me totally exhausted I sleep and work and barely get to see my kids. I have been so far off track of my goals that I don't even know where to begin to get started again. I remember being a young ambitious girl ready to face the world, I couldn't tell you one thing that I had wished to achieve back then. I don't remember. My life has become such a fog that I don't know who I am or what I ever wanted out of life. I am lost, 100% totally lost. Not hopelessly lost because I don't lose hope easily but most surely lost. So where do you start, where do you find what you want and who you are when you've long since forgotten ? I don't have an answer for that question yet. But I sure as heck don't intend to not give it my best to find out. I suppose if you look at it from another angle the fact you may have forgotten who you are may not be so bad. At least this way you can choose who you are now and what you become. Nothing stands in front of you and behind you doesn't really matter, you can be whatever you want. The possibilities are really endless and totally up to you ! I am about to begin a new adventure. I get to invent who I am how cool is that ??