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KALY_TISLAND
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Fear

Saturday, March 09, 2019

I joined this site forever ago and promptly forgot about it. I've continued to gain weight and about a year ago was in a car accident. It was minor but the mental and physical toll was more than expected. Already having hard to handle depression and anxiety trapping me in my head-and bedroom- more often than not...being in pain from severe whiplash and depressed at losing all the progress I'd fought so hard for (finally had started a temp job and getting my life back on track after a suicide attempt)...I found myself in this current situation.

Something is terribly wrong with my back. If I stand or walk for more than 5 minutes (10 on a good day), my back starts to hurt. If I keep pushing, whether out of necessity or stubbornness, it quickly gets worse. It feels like my lower back muscles are freaking out and being torn apart.

I got on muscle relaxers, and thought they were helping...but then today happened. We were walking around a couple of stores, having a great time. Two different stores, less than 30 minutes total...and I was in so much pain.

We were trying to get out to the car to go home and rest because I was hurting, on our way...walking became exponentially more difficult with each step. I clutched onto Ethan (husband) because I was sure I was going to collapse.

Once in the car, I burst into tears. I'm so afraid I'm going to end up in a wheelchair. I already drain so much from him because of my mental issues (and he's got his own to deal with on top of it)...the thought of being more of a burden to him or anyone else is terrifying to me. And that's hard to talk about and admit to people because I'm worried they'd take it wrong and act like I'm saying wheelchair-bound people are a burden. I'm not. In no way do I think that about other people. Just...myself...I don't know if that even makes sense
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KALY_TISLAND
    Hello everyone, I honestly forgot I posted this, so much has been going on. I'll try to answer your questions below.
    I had been seeing a chiro after the accident but once that stopped, it wasn't long after that my back got so bad.
    I'm in physical therapy now, trying to take it slow and retrain my muscles. I excel at overdoing it so I've been having a hard week so far but still am trying. I got labs back recently that caused me to end up back on this site. I'm dangerously close to becoming diabetic so I'm trying to figure that out as well.
    I'm not in therapy anymore, haven't been for months...really don't know if I can bring myself to go back.
    Ethan should be starting a trucking job soon, it's long haul so I'll be alone a lot, but it also means I can design my own diet plan without worrying about whether or not he'll like the meals (even though he'd be on board, he just knows I overdo everything and hates seeing how much pain I end up in)

    There have been no scans or anything on my back. I got close to getting an MRI but insurance is a pain. Doctors are blaming weight and lack of activity...it's a vicious cycle.

    A lot of trouble comes from not being able to afford it, we have state given insurance but they make you jump through some intense hoops.

    I haven't given up, I've had some good days too. I just have to battle through the bad days to get to the couple good ones. I cherish those good ones.

    I appreciate all of your support, I'm sorry I didn't log on sooner to see it...though I honestly needed it today. So, thank you emoticon
    408 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/15/2019 4:35:32 PM
  • DWROBERGE
    emoticon emoticon
    559 days ago
  • GOULDSGRANITE
    emoticon I agree that the back pain you describe is NOT normal. Hoping you can get it checked out and get on a road out of pain. Fixing it sooner than later could be essential to full recovery. emoticon
    566 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    I think you need to find medical help for the back and are you seeing a professional on your depression? Both are two factors that can greatly affect our ability to lose weight. I will pray for your condition to get better.
    566 days ago
  • SCOOTERTVRPV
    Can you afford to go back to the dr & get it checked out (Scan, xray, etc)? What you describe is not normal and an orthopedic doctor should check it out. Praying for you to get some relief and answers.

    emoticon
    567 days ago
  • MDYOUNG3
    Have you tried going to a chiropractor to see if you can get some relief? They have worked wonders for many of the issues that I had after a car accident in my teens.
    567 days ago
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