Two steps forward, one back...
Monday, March 25, 2019
It was a long day today, and since I wasn't doing much I mindlessly started baking and ate waaay to many of my own goods, then ate through more food than I needed. My stomach is upset, which is punishment enough, but I'm not going to condone my body mistreatment and emotional eating. I often just accept it rather than saying, "I'll forgive myself, but I'm consciously going to try to change." The sugar was a huge trigger. Honestly, this was probably a combination of boredom and inability to face my underlying feelings. I know I'm not great at facing my emotions. I struggle to put down my facade and just feel. I'm worried about several different things I haven't expressed. However, I don't want to hide behind fear all my life. I'm not willing to let the fear of failure keep me from trying.
I'm Madelyn. I'm scared of a lot of things, and I've been known to hide, especially behind my weight. I messed up today, and that's embarrassing and discouraging and painful. However, I'm not going to let that pain of failure stop me from trying again tomorrow, and the next day. I will keep working and eating war with my demons, and someday I'm going to be victorious. I'm not giving up. I deserve to be taken care of and fed and exercised properly, and I won't stop trying to make that happen.