Regaining my composure

So after yesterdays pity party I got serious. I took on the advice of my lovely Sparkfriends and fellow Sparkers, rolled up my sleeves and got stuck in.

I posted a photo of myself in my last blog which threw me out of sorts. I felt like my hard work couldn't be seen and that I looked terrible. I focused on that one photo and poured all my self-worth into it. I gave it all my power.

After some honest soul searching I realised three major things:

First, sometimes a bad photo is taken. It is what it is.
Here is a not so bad photo taken that same night...



Second, I think the weight/fat loss part of my journey is more important to me than I wanted to admit. I was focused on my lifts and getting stronger which is great, but I also want to be at a weight I like to see in photos. My rapid weight gain was largely out of my control and left me feeling helpless and unattractive and I am only now getting confidence back and part of that is the realisation that I do want to lose a substantial amount and like what I see in the mirror.

My program has been based on getting stronger rather than losing fat and while I HAVE actually been doing this successfully - it is SLOW... Ehhh...will revisit after this current training cycle and cut (calorie cutting) cycle are over. Perhaps I will spend 12 weeks focusing on fat loss and lose some of these precious gains in order to look better - sounds wrong to me but maybe...

Third, I need to allow myself to buy some better fitting clothes. My old ones hang off me and are not flattering at all. My body composition has changed A LOT and what used to fit and look okay now just hangs wrong. My back, chest and shoulder muscles don't look right in the clothes I currently have so I guess this is something I should look at.

Anyway I went to the gym today and SMASHED my lifts - PRs all round and the best deadlifts I've ever done - I've always said a little adversity spurs me on so I guess one step at a time is how I intend to continue!

Here is a photo from my training today and my arms look SOOOOOOOO STRONG!!!!!