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Gaining through Losing

Thursday, April 11, 2019

So this week I'm a bit disheartened because I'm pretty sure I have a stress fracture in my left foot. My foot is tender and swollen and its worse when pressure is applied. The worst part is that I didn't do any real physical activity to get it; I'm just that big. This type of thing is exactly why I'm here. I'm ready to undo the years of past damage and set myself free from the prison I created. I hold the key to my freedom and I'm ready to be free. I've been on plan now since 4/3/19. In the past week I've felt a boost in energy and I haven't had any heartburn for days. Emotionally I'm feeling better as well.

**Trigger** Please don't read on if you're sensitive to loss posts! Scroll on until you see a line of asterisks.

The past few years have been challenging for my family and I, however, the last month has been the worst. My husband and I were expecting our third baby when at a routine check-up no heartbeat was found. It was deemed a late-term, missed miscarriage. Because I was in the second trimester, I had to endure the pain of labor for a son I'd never get to take home. After all of that, I had several complications including the need for 2 d/c's as the placenta didn't want to release and 3 blood transfusions due to blood loss. Physically, I'm almost recovered. I can tell I'm still anemic simply from how tired I feel doing little things, but it's getting better everyday. Emotionally, the days vary and I'm sure the pangs from this loss will vary especially when the due date comes. I'm taking things day by day and trying to feel my emotions rather than use food to cope. I've also found that controlling my diet has been therapeutic in that it gives me something else to focus on. I'm not sure if we'll try for a third (we weren't trying for this pregnancy but our baby was very much wanted), but if we do, I want my weight significantly lower.

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I'm looking forward to the gains I will have throughout this journey. I have two girls that are my world and I plan on taking them biking, hiking, swimming, and camping this summer. They deserve to do all these fun things and I can't wait to have the body that allows me to do these things. I'll still be quite heavy, but by taking off 10% of my body weight by June (at least that's the goal), I'll have a much easier (and enjoyable) time doing these things.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DWROBERGE
    emoticon emoticon
    526 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Welcome to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. You have to make you #1 and tell yourself that you are worth it. And remember you didn't gain the weight overnight and you won't lose it overnight. It takes time, determination, motivation and support. You can get it all right here! If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. If I can help in anyway, feel free to reach out to me! Losing a child is the hardest pain to overcome. Prayers to you and your husband. Good luck on your journey. You can do it! We are here to help! Welcome and get active on this site. emoticon
    534 days ago
  • SLIMHEALTHIERME
    I am SO sorry for the loss of your little one! Sending a hug to you and prayers for healing. You are very strong to be able to start focusing on something else. Stay strong. emoticon
    535 days ago
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