Breaking the cycle
Thursday, May 09, 2019
Growing up, my mother was obsessed with weight and weight loss. But not healthy weight, or healthy weight loss, but what ever the scale says and how to change that number fast. She could tell you what weight she was at any given point in her life and often found strange ways to get it into a conversation. "I saw that movie in the theaters in 1973. When I weighed 127 pounds!" She was also horrible at fishing for weight compliments and got very angry/upset when someone didn't take the hint. "I'm going to squeeze my fat butt between you on the couch" expecting someone to say "Your butt's not big." Her behaviors were just eye rolling, "whatever" inducing behaviors. However, her actions are what I fought my whole life.
She would do the craziest diets. I'm not just talking Atkins or Weight Watchers, but she did ones where she could eat WHATEVER she wanted but only between 5-6pm, for example. God help us kids if we had practice that went late! But she would "tailor" diets to what she thought they needed to be. Slim Fast diets used to have you replace breakfast and dinner with a shake, but she would replace ALL meals, you know, to lose weight faster. Low carb diets couldn't have red meat, cheese, nuts, or eggs because these had too much fat, calories, and whatever else she deemed bad. Exercising was only walking because any strength exercises would make you "bulk up."
I think you get the picture of the health example I had growing up. Surprisingly, I did quite well. I knew that her thinking and behaviors were less than healthy, or even normal. I swore that I would never live by the scale. I focused on how I felt physically and felt in my own skin. But 5 kids and getting older has caught up with me.
My blood work recently came back that I am pre-diabetic and my heart related panel came back a mess. It was time to make some changes. And while my kids are motivators, I do not want them to think that I am on some crazy diet. I never talk about my weight, just about my biking accomplishments. I log my meals but they know that it is not something I am going to do long term, but just until I understand fully what I am (or was) putting in my body. I want them to see me happily snacking on veggies.