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ANJH1231
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Ugh

Thursday, May 16, 2019

So, once upon a time, my boyfriend (now husband) joined the Air Force. While he was away at basic training, I thought it'd be a swell idea to lose a bunch of weight and surprise him at his graduation. After all, I was over 200 pounds and needed to get in shape anyway. So here I came to SparkPeople for help (I used a different account back then; deleted it when I didn't think I'd need it anymore).

I went from 210 to 180 by his graduation 8 weeks later, then lost another 25 lbs by the time he came home from tech school six months later. I had a body close to what I always wanted. My thyroid function improved, along with my blood pressure and cholesterol. Life was swell. We were planning a wedding, having the time of our lives. Then, we got married...

...And I got lazy...

...Many times I tried to get back on track, and that would last for about two weeks at a time...

...But I fell off the wagon, and I continued to gain the weight back, even though I promised myself I wouldn't...

...And then I got pregnant...

...And went from 176 lbs at conception to 222 lbs upon delivery...

...And when I got to 206 lbs, I tried to exercise, diet, everything, but NOTHING worked. So, here I am, back again to Spark.

So let's be real here. This is utterly and completely my fault. As I write this, I'm literally trying my best to hold back tears. I can remember the countless hours I spent at the gym, all the work I did. And let's face it, it's not the fact that I had a baby that made me this way, it's the fact that I got lazy, and I didn't eat healthy, and I rarely worked out. So here I am, writing this today, taking responsibility for my lack of control.

However, instead of beating myself up, I'm choosing to make a change. I want to be healthy for my son and for my future children.

But it's hard. It's so hard getting back into this, knowing how far I have to go. Today, I weighed in at 202 lbs. That's 52 lbs to go.

I know, I know... it didn't come overnight so it won't go overnight, but it's still frustrating. I'm so hungry. There's only so much water I can drink. And all I can think about is eating; how if I DO eat, how to control overeating, but if I don't eat, I'll be hurting my body more than helping. I'm measuring everything I put in my body, which is a good start -- it does truly show how much one can overeat.

I know this takes dedication, and I know once I get rolling, it will get easier. It's just the start that's hard. It will take dedication, but this time, I'm ready. Once I start to see the results, I know I will feel better.

For now, my first goal is to get under 200 within the next two weeks.



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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DWROBERGE
    emoticon emoticon
    149 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    You got this, you did it once, and know what it takes to do it again. Now you have another person to teach healthy lifestyle ways, so don't beat yourself up over this. Many of us have had to do do-overs. I think I have had about 5 or six of them. The main think is you are back here where you can find all the motivation and support you need to be successful, Welcome back! emoticon
    156 days ago
  • DIAMONDWIFE2018
    You can do this! I was once here before as well and I also lost a bunch of weight and then I too gained it (well more than what I lost) back so I am back here as well. Now is the time to focus on you and get yourself healthy. The worst part is trying to figure out how to do this and not be hungry. That was my absolute biggest fear because that is what I thought losing weight was. If you learn portion sizes and how to make a plate of food that has all the nutrients (I do half plate on veggies, a quarter for protein, a quarter for carbs, and a little bit of healthy fat) you will soon realize you won't have to be hungry or starving while losing weight. You can do this and we are all here to cheer you on with us! Welcome back! emoticon
    157 days ago
  • NORTHONTGIRL
    Welcome back! You sound committed so I know you can do it! One lb at a time! emoticon
    157 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.