Day Four: Regaining Technique
Friday, May 17, 2019
Things are really shaping up right now. All winds blowing favourably. Karate was amazing last night. I was able to complete the entire class and I really worked on technique last night. My master was very pleased with how my kicks are looking at this point and I'm very happy with the level of fitness that I'm starting to gain. I'm really progressing with pushups and I can do full squats without stress on my knees. I find that doing an entire hour of exercise in a hot room puts me into almost a transcendental sort of space and I really like it. I'm having difficulties with memory again lately almost moreso than usual perhaps because of stress or because of information overload and will probably have to start taking notes again. Thinking about asking my master for a printout of some of the self defense moves so I can memorize the techniques. So even though I'm only getting one day of exercise right now, my level of fitness is progressing quickly due to the intensity of the exercise I'm doing. I'm also toning up quite a bit--people are asking if I've lost weight and tbh I keep gaining numberwise on the scale. But with the cardio/ST combo of karate I'm seeing great returns on my physique. Nothing drastic, still fat, but I'm a nice pretty slick shape for a fat person. I have a flat athletic shape for being fat. Just another score for HAES. I'm here to testify: I am very close to 300 pounds right now but I am not useless. Even though I have to sit 99% of the time being that I am a writer and even though I have some physical disabilities, I am still athletic and you don't have to be limited by the number on the scale. You also don't have to feel worthy or unworthy because of the number on the scale. I mean I am up to 291 right now but you know, I don't feel any pain at all about that number. I have gained a lot of muscle lately, too, and getting strong and muscular is way more important to me than how much the number happens to be. I also know that it's not fat that's bad, it's the stigma around fat that's bad. As long as I can be fit enough to do the things I want to do then it doesn't matter to me what the scale says or if I'm considered fat to some people.
I have been generous with nutrition lately. My eating has been a bit weird due to my hectic schedule so I've had to switch my fasting times around a bit here and there, which I don't like doing, but sometimes I have no choice as you don't want to be fainting from lack of food or anything like that. I'm back to fasting on schedule again today and I'll try to track my food as I haven't been keeping up with that either. I want to track so I have a better idea nutritionally of where I'm at and of what I need to be purchasing for groceries but I've run a little amuck with food lately just because my eating schedule has been so unreliable. Going to do some grocery shopping soon and hopefully things will iron themselves out as my schedule should be more predictable in the coming days. I don't worry about the fasting itself I always eat enough to keep my body operating the way it's supposed to be. Keep in mind I don't do this as a diet to lose weight I do it for Buddhism.
Going to do a guided meditation this morning and see where I'm at with my mindfulness practice. I am gaining some valuable insights lately and constantly inspired which is useful in both my mindfulness practice and in my writing career.
Work is dominating my life right now and I'm pretty okay with that as I'm a workaholic. I am working on a lot of material at once right now and being both a poet and a novelist I am extra busy as each craft takes time to master. I thought about doing some short stories but that might be just a rare thing as I don't want to spread myself too thin. At any rate I've got so much to do right now that I am always inspired.
Hope everyone has a great weekend and takes some time to enjoy the nice weather if not spending too much time working. Keep Sparking!!