Saturday, May 18, 2019
Have I become boring? It wasn't intentional. And what is boring? I think everyone has their own definition on if.
It started about a year ago. The 2nd half of 2018, started 'the year of the surgeries', as I am calling it. I went from recuperating from one surgery to prepping for the next. I could not do much. I've lost a lot of weight, but I lost muscle too, I have been able to change that for a while now, but I have not started it yet, I keep putting it off, or having a chronic illness day where I can't work on it. This year has been keeping the migraines at bay (not really working that, but getting injections for it and a possible daith piercing if acupuncture works), not being able to drive due to seizures and not really having the 'want to' for much of anything.
Well, after the day I've had of just being plain lazy, I was thinking, geez, I have been spending a lot of time in bed lately. And it dawned on me, that I really don't want that. I'll do it when necessary, but today it was not. I had no migraine, no chronic illness flair ups, nothing, just felt like being in bed. A lot. And I don't want that any more. I know some days I won't be able to help it, but for the days that I can, I want to Carpe Deim!! (Seize The Day!)
So what is boring to me? Stagnation. Not improving. Standing still. And I really feel like I am. I know part of it is learning to deal with my new-ish limitations due to my chronic illnesses, but it's also, that I have stopped doing much that I enjoy. Or much of anything really. I make plans, they sound good, I say I'm going to implement them, and nothing.
Part of it is that I'm a perfectionist. People approach perfectionism is several ways, and the way I do, and many do, is that if I can't do it perfectly, why do it at all. I've got to get over this. There was only ever one perfect human, and I am not He.
So, I was going to start this yoga 30 day thing, then I watched one of the videos.. I'm not into the meditations and such, I just want the stretching and flexibility portion of it. So tonight and tomorrow I'm going to find some beginner videos on that. I need beginner core strength training, so, same thing, set up a workout routine for the next two weeks then reevaluate and go from there. I think enough stuff is out of the way that I can use my treadmill, plus I will be working with my dog in the morning before it gets hot and the evening when it cools down, outside on how to heel, walking the neighborhood (unitil I can afford to buy her the shoes I want to get her).
Other things I can do to stop from feeling like I've become boring is to get back into my hobbies. I recently asked a friend what she would like me to crochet for her... she chose an afghan... I've never done one of those before, so I'm kinda nervous about it, but I'm going to take a stab at it and start working on it as soon as I can set aside the money to buy the yarn (yarn can be more expensive than you think). I'm going to pull out my paint by number kit, and spend some time on that in the meanwhile.
And I really have not been taking care of myself on a day-to-day basis. So, as soon as I finish this, I'm going to take a hot shower, shave, face mask, the works...oops. I had an appointment for a pedicure today and totally forgot. Darn. Will have to reschedule that.
And all that rescheduling I've been talking about? I'm going to do it. Starting tonight. I'm about to start my new before bed routine. I bought a cushion chair that swivels and rocks and is a nice dusky rose color (turns out it is sunbleached and used to be screaming purple), it is in the corner of my bedroom and that is where I'll drink my tea and read a book and do my devotional. Tomorrow morning I'll get my first workout in. I want Sunday to be my rest day, but for this week, I don't want to put off getting this started another day. I'm worried if I do, I'll just keep putting it off.
With that, my screen time for the night is over. I'm trying to get better sleep and I was reading that it is not good to be on the computer (or phone, but black-lit kindle is okay for reading) for an hour or more before bed. I know, my bed time is super early, but think of how early I get up in the mornings!! I don't know what my summer schedule will be, but I want to be up when DH gets up, and I don't think I want to readjust when school starts back just two month later, so i may keep my hours the same. I've got a week to think about it. Yup, last week of school. Busy week. I'm thinking of what I can do to keep my kids summer from getting boring, but seeing as I can't drive, and I have tons of appointments that I have to squeeze all onto Wednesdays so that DH can drive me, the only time for going places will be weekends, when things are going to be packed. Aunt G has offered to take us some places, but her health is failing, her driving scares me, and she can be kinda toxic.
So, Goodnight my SP peeps!