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Daddy Daughter Epiphany

Monday, May 20, 2019

I am happy to report that my stepdaughter did not come back to our house to stay. That blows my assumption that she was trying to move back in on us. But I also felt she was trying to force her father to help her get a place of her own. And that's what's happening. So during the week, my husband's daughter text her father and said she didn't like the shower there. There is no bathroom in her room. The restroom is next door to her room and the shower is down the hall. So what she said was she didn't like the shower and she found a new place. My husband tells me he invited her to take a shower at our house. I said tell her to bring her towels. Because while she was at our house, a lot of towels disappeared. He said to me, I will buy towels on the way home. This pissed me off. I went into this long tirade of things he has done, to make life easier for his daughter, in a text message, and then asked him, how in the hell is she going to take responsibility for herself if he does everything for her? Then he text me back and said he told her to bring her towels. So, it turns out, that I was upset over nothing. She did not want to shower at our house. Her father missed the point of the message. When she came she told him she found another place and that it was going to cost $950 to move in on the first of the month. He said okay. He said are you going to shower? She said no, it's too windy outside. So this whole thing was to get him to move her into her own apartment. When she asked for help moving from the rented room he said no. So she placed herself on skid row knowing her father would not what her to be there. So yesterday my husband and I went to our regular church service. My Pastor asked if there were any comments. Our Deacon, my husband, and our Pastor ended up in a discussion about helping other people or should I say keeping other people from falling into the abyss. The conversation started out about salvation and how it is given to us and how we work freely after salvation or after we are saved. My husband asked my Pastor why does he have to experience the pain of watching his daughter constantly make mistake after mistake. And it seems like there is no end. My Pastor told him it was his Ego. My Pastor told him because he was in his own way. Because he needs to step back and pray about it, and leave it in Gods Hands. My Pastor told him that he couldn't fix it. So when we left church yesterday, my husband did a lot of thinking. We went to his cousin's husband birthday dinner but we had to be back by 6 pm, I didn't now this until we were on our way home, to give his daughter money for a microwave and mini refrigerator. I told him she was moving again and it didn't make sense for him to take that stuff to her apartment and she is moving in less than 2 weeks. So he must have relayed this to her and she said her friend would help her. So when we got home she came to the house and called him. She said she couldn't make it inside, so he went outside to give her the money. When he came back in, he looked perplexed. I asked what's wrong. He said I don't know her, talking about his daughter. He said she looked different. She had a wig on and her clothes were different. I said did she look like she was going out? He said yes. I said then maybe she was going somewhere. He said, then that would mean all the stuff she's telling me was a lie. She supposedly is sick and constantly in pain and cannot work right now. I told him it wouldn't be the first time. I reminded him how she called to ask him to move her and when he said he couldn't right now, she called back and said they were throwing her stuff out of the house. I reminded him of how when we were just dating, she drove to my house to get him, talking about how she was sick and in pain and he left her car there and drove her home. I reminded him of the time she came to our house, we were at work, and called the police on her boyfriend. I guess she thought the police or our neighbor would call her dad but they didn't. The neighbor asked us what was going on a few days later. That's how we found out about it. She called my husband and said she got a black eye in this same incident and my husband went to see her, and there was no black eye. So last night about 10:30, my husband's phone rings. He sees it's his daughter and we were just going to bed. We have to get up at 4:45 am. He asked me, what does she want now, it's late. I thought for sure he was going to answer it. So he just let's it ring and waited to see if she would leave a message. So my husband can see now that his daughter is doing whatever she feels is necessary to get him to do what she what's him to do. Why it took this long, I don't know. He also knows that he is not helping the situation by running to her rescue. I'm not sure how he is going to handle it from this point though. He keeps telling me his daughter has psychological issues. I don't doubt that, but she is also capable of taking care of herself. The way I see it, there is two reasons she won't take care of herself. The first is, she doesn't want to. The second is, her father won't let her. To those who choose to read all of this and comment, thank you! Your comments are truly appreciated! I'm up on the scale this week!

Current Weight: 250.4
Backyard photo yesterday
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks Jaxembee! emoticon
    149 days ago
    Whew, what a situation to be stuck in - all I can do is admire the patience with which you handled the situation, I know I'd have really blown up! To echo what the Pastor said, you too need to step back and let hubby come to his own realisations about how his daughter is manipulating him. Tough to do, I know, to walk that line between supporting your husband without enabling her behaviour but you can't let her damage your marriage xxxx
    150 days ago
    Thanks Ladies! emoticon
    150 days ago
    What a tough spot for all of you to be in. I can see it from all three perspectives. It sounds like your husband's daughter has him wrapped around her finger and he's finally starting to realize it. It's hard to let your kids struggle, but he's not doing her any favors by bailing her out all the time. I'm glad you are telling him like it is. Hopefully they'll both figure it out and things will be better soon. She still owes you an apology for cussing you out when she left last time!

    Hang in there! emoticon emoticon
    151 days ago
    I understand how hard it is for your husband to see what his daughter was doing - flat out manipulation to get her way. As a parent he wants to help her because he is in a position to do that, many parents cannot offer help only support, but in reality he is only prolonging her being able to care for herself. I saw my parents do this with my brother to a much smaller degree and he used them until they passed because he knew what buttons to push.
    Hopefully this is the start of her "growing up" and learning to take care of herself.
    Have a good week.
    152 days ago
  • LIZZIE138
    I’m glad your husband is finally seeing the manipulation his daughter is trying to pull on him. Just keep reminding him of what she’s doing the next time she tries a different tactic to get daddy cave!
    152 days ago
    It sounds like your husband finally had an epiphany. I do understand him wanting to help her, but she's taking advantage of him and lying to him too. It's hard to see the bad in your own child. I'm just glad you don't sugar coat things for him, I think it helps him see it from another perspective. I hope things get better for all of you.
    152 days ago
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