Wanting to be heard
Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Yesterday I had my first appointment with a therapist. It went a lot different than I expected. I walked in with a million and one problems and wondered how we're going to get anything accomplished in 50 mins but surprisingly we did.
I still have a million and one problems but I'm starting to understand the why. I'm angry because since I was a child I wanted to be heard and valued and I wasn't. Instead I was controlled and shut down when I tried to speak up for myself. Which makes a lot of sense to me. Deep down inside me, I'm a leader. I was never given the opportunity to let that blossom because my parents were stuck in the old school way of kids should be seen and not heard.
This thought has opened so many doors and windows to so many things in my life. When I left yesterday, I felt good but as I go through my normal life and react to things in a way I don't like, it becomes emotionally draining and I'm feeling a little depressed today.
It's like the gate of demons have opened and they've been released and it's going to take me a lot of time to shoot them all down. I should also mention that I'm impatient....
I want to say, to everyone that reads this. Thank you for listening to me. It means a lot.