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Day 12 Be Brave

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Today is about being brave. It's about having enough courage to say things or be the person that even the closest of fam/friends won't like.

If we aren't our genuine selves, we cannot really meet our goals. We may accomplish some things, but not to a level of real acceptance and happiness. I've lost weight before, but the unhappiness was still there. Because I thought I had to please someone.

Once I lost about 70 pounds, and my dad took me aside at Christmas and told me how beautiful I was and how proud he was and how he wished I would inspire my mom to lose weight. I don't think he ever spoke of me like that before.

Once I gained it back, there was never a talk about my beauty. He was proud of other things, but not my beauty.

My happiness is not about how the world will see me when I lose weight. My happiness will come from really controlling my triggers, saying no, being me, embracing my contradictions, and being brave in the face of fam/friends.

Being brave makes my goals attainable. Accepting that I might not make everyone happy, I might have a hiccup here and there, knowing that I am hard to live with sometimes, gives me permission to move on being me and just me.

Being brave will help me when I travel to my hometown to see family. There's so much judgement that I can feel the tension in the air.

I know that some fam isn't happy that I don't attend church. I do a Bible study with my best friend, and I do my best to follow my faith. I don't do organized religion. I have my reasons. I don't make a fuss when they pray out loud at family gatherings about they wish I would attend church. They can say what they want. They are being their true selves. I am being my true self.

There's talk about my weight. Always. It's interesting. I've never said to my fam or in-laws, "Hey, you are fat. What are we gonna do about you?". I have never said anything about my SIL crappy ass makeup and hairdo. She's doing her thing. But man, the moment I mentioned I had seen Alice Cooper in concert, there was a huge "Oh please say you didn't do that!". It was as if I had said I had drowned kittens for fun. I am beyond tired of hearing about how gorgeous my face is and how it's a shame I can't lose weight. AGHHHHHHHHHH!

My grandmother asked me once where I bought clothes that size. And then she asked my husband what he fed me. Like I wasn't even there. I said nothing to her - because I was worried about hurting her feelings. Screw my feelings.

At a family reunion, I was told "boy, you are really fat." Yep. I didn't say anything. Just took it.

Not anymore. My happiness matters.

I am gonna continue to be brave, and make it a point to be my genuine self. Being brave in a step of being okay with being you. Self esteem is very important. Be brave and be you. Make your goals and stick to them.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    WOW! I feel for you. Cruel and rude and thoughtless comments are brutal. I don't know you yet, but already I thought by your name and page and humor that you are a free spirit who is fun and real. Alice Cooper is Christian, and has a charity for children. As a retired teacher of 35 years, I love him and have played School's Out for the summer every year!
    141 days ago
    I love you just the way you are. You have a wonderful sense of humor. It's my favorite thing about you. I could use a clone of you here to keep me in a good mood, Plus you are intelligent. Have good priorities, And I think you are pretty. I could go on about your good qualities with no trouble.

    No offense to your dad and other family members but they are obviously too hung up on weight. If my husband praised my obese son for losing weight while wishing that he would inspire me to lose weight it would most likely inspire me to want to flog hubby and to point out a few of his less than perfect qualities.

    Almost all men have a certain degree of neanderthal in them and they can only be tolerated in small doses by intelligent women. Every once in a while you have step on their head and "meat basket" while crunching them a little. It kind of reboots their hard drives. Shame on your grandma. Women should never attack their own kind for any reason.

    I have outlived almost all of my and my hubby's family so I don't have to deal with the clinically sick, bordering on Psycho (the movie), type family gatherings we felt obligated to attend years ago. Some of the relatives were actually pyscho and one never knew what to expect out of the lot.

    One BIL, the half-wit, would say something nice to someone like, "Why did you buy me this cheap gift?" I knew my time would come and it did and by that time I had reached menopause and my dried up ovaries caused me to have a short wick. When people would try to be mean to me my husband and son would gasp, turn pale, and wait for me to correct the obnoxious person who dared to light my fire. When BIL would say something to me like, "God, you're fat!!" I would say something nice like, "How was prison this time? Did you hook up with any interesting men while there?"

    My hubby and I are religious but we don't do organized religion either because the church today is not the church of my youth. Depending on your sect it could be okay or it could be the equivalent of Hell on Earth, In my area it's the latter mostly. Why would I want to get direction from someone who molests children or assists child molesters to hide the fact? Or want to spend my free time with people who hate people because of the color of their skin, their nationality, their sexual identity, their gender, etc. So not into it. Count me out!

    I'm with you. I am what I am. Love me or leave me. I'm concerned chiefly with my happiness and not with my weight or meeting the expectations of obnoxious people who think I care what they think. Why not sub me at your family reunion and after a dose of me they will be begging to have you back?

    152 days ago
    This is a brave post and it has value. You stopped internalizing a worthless label and got on with your life.

    Such comments reveal shortcomings of the speaker … never about you .., I see pain and a lifetime of missed opportunities in those souls. You have always been beautiful. Kudos on getting healthy.
    152 days ago
    You are important, never forget that. And you are not defined by your size. You are very brave for putting this out there for all to read. But you are better for it. Let the negative out and allow the positive to flow into you
    152 days ago

    Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.
    ~Robert H. Schuller

    Keep on Keeping on!

    Make today the greatest day of your life!
    Until tomorrow!

    152 days ago
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