working through urges to emotional eat
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
I wanted to eat to anesthetize my feelings last night because of how incredibly angry I was. I couldn't direct my anger towards the source -- of course not: I'm not allowed to express 'bad' emotions like anger, and it would be a fruitless attempt when the source of the anger is unwilling to and incapable of having a constructive conversation -- and so my mind kept running over all the things I wanted to, and couldn't, say, making me angrier and angrier.
I posted on my Emotional Eaters team. While that helped a little, I was still really angry. Nobody responded to my post. I didn't bank that they would -- after all, it's a message board, not instant messaging, and not the most active of teams -- but I could've really used some encouragement.
So I decided to be a source of encouragement myself. I started writing on new team members' pages, sending short little messages welcoming them to the group. I did this for 3 or 4 of my teams. I noticed my breathing becoming slower and deeper and my mood becoming calmer as I progressed. By the time I finished, I wasn't angry anymore. And I didn't eat.
Last night was a success.