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Let's Be Upfront and Honest

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

This is me. I'm not the literal beauty queen that my mother was before she had children. (P.S. She's still pretty.)

I've been through some things. I've been abused in unimaginable ways by numerous people. I've been homeless and hungry. I've been suicidal. Maybe my body shows my trauma more than my face does. She's been through a lot. Yet she keeps up the best she can.

I have PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Anorexia, and Binge Eating Disorder. I weigh an extra 100 pounds. I have a BS in Psychology and Anthropology.

People would call me sweet, kind, loving, and smart. I've heard beautiful and as of recent, I started to hear sexy too. (Thanks, Boo-Boo.)

It's really hard to see myself as anything but a mess. I try my best to be kind and loving but sometimes I feel like I'm playing at it instead of actually achieving true sweetness. I feel like I'm compromising what's best for me in order to serve others. I'm starting to learn to take back those little things that I need. It's an ongoing journey and frankly, hassle.

I feel fat. Yeah, let's just get that out of the way here. I'm curves, lumps, and lots of bumps. My partner-in-crime thinks my curves are ah-mazing. He's so wonderful. He even asked me to shake my booty like Shakira last nite. emoticon

I digress... My rolls are creeping over my pants. That sucks. For the last year or so I've been able to keep my rolls down enough so they can be easily disguised. It appears that they've made a break for it. My arms are also super saggy. I feel frustrated because I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel this way. It's great that he thinks I'm hot and people think I'm adorable but I want to feel like I'm something to myself too. If that makes any sense?

I'm here to try to gain control over my wayward body and life.

Here's hoping.

Demure Kitty

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    366 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Welcome to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. You have to make you #1 and tell yourself that you are worth it. And remember you didn't gain the weight overnight and you won't lose it overnight. It takes time, determination, motivation and support. You can get it all right here! If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. If I can help in anyway, feel free to reach out to me! There is a saying "That beauty is only skin deep." Your beauty comes from within and once your realize that you will be on the road to a healthier you! You can do it! We are here to help! Welcome and get active on this site. emoticon
    371 days ago
    This blog shows your true beauty--inside and out! And you sound like anything but demure! I hear a strong, courageous woman behind these words. Keep fighting the good fight, and keep taking back some of your love and compassion for yourself.
    372 days ago
    Your body is not your beauty.You are beautiful by your selfless giving. Please find joy today as you have written this blog and brought comfort to others as they deal with some of the same challenges you are living with daily. Your honesty and taking the time to write this blog is a true gift. Thank you!
    372 days ago
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