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Clothes Can Be Depressing!

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Stereotype: Girls LOVE to shop.
Me: Nope
Stereotype: Come ON! You LOVE to shop! Clothes, shoes, purses, accessories- you KNOW you want to!
Me: NOT gonna happen.
Stereotype: (whines) awww- how about one ITTY BITTY trip to Target? You LOVE shopping at Target!
Me: No. well. I do need socks...
Me: (in parking lot) This was a mistake
Stereotype: Oh goodie- a parking space right up front!! Wait...where are you going? Why so far away? We're still going in, right??
Me: Yes, we are still going in, but if I have to do this, I am getting something worth it out of this- STEPS! (slams car door)
Stereotype: Let's get a buggie!
Me: No! Socks do not require a buggie, plus if my hands are on the cart, my Fitbit doesn't catch my steps!
Stereotype: (protesting loudly) But all the pretty-
Me: NO! (startled the elderly lady at the door) - I mean, here, let me help you with these heavy bags! How far did you park, you shouldn't have to carry these bags of cat litter so far!
(pats self on back for quick thinking and additional extra steps after helping lady find her car- located on the 3rd try and parked farther out than I was)
Stereotype: (pouting) Can we get down to our shopping now?
Me: Lets just get this over with.
Stereotype: Look at all the pretty colored SWIM SUITS!
Stereotype: Look at all the new SHORTS!
Me: No- Plenty at home
Stereotype: Look at all the different SOCKS!
Me: looking through 3 isles to find a pair that wont cut off my circulation at the ankle, aren't as thin as paper, and not so small they inch down into the toe of my shoe after 3 steps...it's not looking good.
Stereotype: Pom Poms! Bright Colors! TOE SOCKS!!!
Me: No- simple white socks, maybe a color band or stripe on the toe, but I am NOT into the crazy mixed color socks- I am not a kid anymore!
Stereotype: Stick in the mud!
Me: These will do just FINE! (grabbing a package from the shelf and marching to the self-checkout register)
Stereotype: Well at least they they have color on the toes!
Me: SUCCESS- and I didn't get distracted by any of the snacks they strategically pepper throughout the store!

Next Morning: High humidity with a high in the 90s- SHORTS weather.
Me: No worries- I HAVE plenty of shorts in my closet!
Closet: Here is the pair you WANT to wear
Me: (Struggling to get the zipper closed) yeah- THAT is not gonna work!
Closet: Try THIS pair- you like these too!
Me: Zipped up- but too short for the office
Closet: These?
Me: Darn- this pair rides up in the crotch - what else ya got?
Closet: Wheres the blue walking shorts you just got?
Me: Laundry (Frantically searching now that the clock is ticking louder announcing I really need to get a move on or be late to work)
Closet: Well then, let's see if this pair from last season will fit- otherwise, I don't know what to tell ya. You won't be hot if you go to work naked!
Me: No, I'll be FIRED! (holding breath as I step in, pull them up and- they ZIPPED!)
ME: THEY FIT! Sorry (apology to the cat who I startled awake)
Me: Damn! Most of my shirts are too big now and fall off my shoulders.
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    A shopping we will go?
    409 days ago
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