Just holding on. Just showing up.
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
I am at day 27 of tracking my food, but today I have had to force myself to login, fill in my trackers and check in with the Awesome A team.
Yesterday, I went off the rails. I still tracked my food, up until about 7pm, when I fell into an old, old routine. I ate whatever sweet thing I could find.
Well, tomorrow I leave for a work trip to Sweden. I'll be away from my family for 9 days. The longest I have ever been away from my son. And I am nervous. I feel the pressure of the new job and the more official element of being a post-doctoral researcher now, rather than a PhD student. I also don't want to be away from my family for that long. I know, I know it is a wonderful opportunity and exciting to be somewhere new. But I also like my somewhere old.
I got on the scale this morning, as I do every morning and the scale was up (I knew it would be) and I just felt tired. Everything felt like it was too much. But, I was also on day 26 of tracking and didn't want to have to start again at 0! So, here I am. Sometimes it is really hard to show up. Again.
My water tracking is going well. I fill up a bottle that equates to 8 glasses and make sure I drink it. It shouldn't be too difficult to keep up with that over the next week, or so. It is a long day of travel tomorrow, but fortunately the flight is less than three hours. I'll download a good book.
My bags are packed and I am as ready as I will ever be. It's at moments like these that I can truly see how the depression has changed me. But, keep showing up, I tell myself. That's step one.