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I Will Not Eat My Stress, I Will Not Eat My Stress, I WILL NOT EAT MY STRESS!!!

Tuesday, July 02, 2019


Well...I assume so anyway, based on my own tendency to want to eat the house down when I am stressed, and right now, I am so beyond stressed there isn't even a word for it!

A few months ago I would have said that the only thing I was stressed about was that I felt a little stuck in my position at work and wanted the opportunity to move my career in a new direction.

Then, as per usual, life happened.

I got home from work one Friday in April and one of my dogs was acting like she didn't feel well. I took her to the vet the next day, and they said they thought she might be in pain, maybe played too rough and hurt herself, so they gave her a pain shot and prescribed some pain pills and said to call back on Monday if she wasn't doing better. On Sunday, she actually FAINTED! If you've never seen a dog faint, it's scary, her legs went rubbery under her and she stumbled and fell. I don't know if she went unconscious or not, because I was scrambling for the phone to call the vet sure that she was either dying or had some kind of spinal injury causing paralysis or something. After further evaluation and blood work they found that she was severely anemic. The vet told me she believed she had Autoimmune Hemolytic Anemia, and she needed to be hospitalized, IV steroids administered, and if she didn't turn around quickly enough she'd need a transfusion.

She stayed at the vet for 4 days to receive the IV meds and a transfusion from a rottweiler. Since then, she has been on the highest dose recommended of prednisone and another immune-suppressive drug to try and get her well, with trips to the vet every 2 weeks to check her blood levels. At first they were rising, but when she was almost at normal levels, where we could start to taper off the meds, they started to drop. This past week's visit, the vet added back the antibiotic she received when she was first diagnosed in case there is underlying tick disease keeping her from getting well. If this doesn't help, my only other option is to take her to a specialist and put her on chemotherapy, which may or may not save her. I don't think I want to put her thru that, but I love her so much, I hate to not do everything I can to save her.

In the middle of all that somewhere, a position posted at work that I had no idea was going to be open to my office, and I thought I'd be a perfect fit for it, so I went through the grueling process of submitting my application, going thru a phone interview, online testing, and a panel interview only to be told they'd selected another candidate.

Then a few weeks ago, my car overheated on the way to a church event one evening. It seemed to have lost all it's coolant, even though the only leak I saw was relatively small. I had it towed to my mechanic, and thankfully had use of a family member's extra vehicle while I waited. A couple of days and $300 later I was back on the road...for a week. Then I noticed antifreeze on the ground and called me mechanic again. Now they said it appeared, as best they could tell without tearing too far into it, that it was coming from the water pump. Sounds minor, right? Wrong. My car has an internal water pump that is driven by one of it's THREE timing chains. My mechanic doesn't even do that job, because it's so extensive. I called someone else that was recommended by a family member, and he told me to replace the water pump, and the 3 timing chains (because once you tear into it that far on a car w/ 125,000 miles on it, you may as well replace them because you'll probably have to soon anyway) would be $1,700. It's a 2003 Dodge with 125,000 miles on it...it's not worth it. So now I have to try and get another vehicle, but I can't really afford much of a car payment.

I also had my furnace stop working right at the beginning of spring, and was planning to replace my HVAC in the fall. No way could I afford to make that happen if I had the aforementioned car payment that I can't really afford anyway, and as there are other things that need done around my house...tree service to the tune of $3,600, flooring throughout...probably another 4-5 grand, could stand to add a garage door, but not critical...so anyway, I decided my best bet was to refinance my house w/ cash out to cover the car, HVAC & trees, and more if I could get enough and still afford the payment.

My house was not remotely appraisal ready, so the cleaning/organizing commenced. It's still not quite ready, but almost as good as it's going to get, so I went to the bank yesterday to discuss options. The first bank told me that depending on what kind of appraisal is done...drive by, walk around, walk thru...they may not be able to help me at all, because in anticipation of the flooring job, I tore out some old nasty carpet and removed the baseboards. They wouldn't know what kind of appraisal would be done, so I told them to hold off so as to keep from getting a hard hit on my credit report while I checked into other options.

I went to my credit union...they said they wouldn't be able to help because of the unfinished flooring project, and recommended I get a HELOC to cover the flooring and the car, and then come back and refi after that. The problem with that is, it doesn't take care of the trees or HVAC, and what if my home doesn't appraise well enough to cover those plus the HELOC, or if the HELOC affects my credit rating enough to make things not work, blah blah blah. To get a HELOC that is enough to cover everything I need is an option, except that it's not, because the payment for it would be over $500, and I'd still have my regular mortgage payment...no can do.

So I called Quicken Loans to talk to them about whether or not the unfinished flooring project was a deal-breaker or not to doing a refi w/ cash out, and they seemed optimistic that they could help me, but asked that I send them photos of the rooms that had exposed subfloor. That was yesterday...he's supposed to call me today to let me know if we're going to be able to move forward. I'm losing my mind waiting on the call.

Last night I was having trouble staying out of the fridge, but I managed it.

This morning I realized that if we do move forward with an appraisal, they may view my bedroom as an "unfinished project" because it has new windows and the wall surrounding them is still white while the rest of the room is blue...so I guess I will be painting it ASAP just in case.

Doing my best to stay on plan through all this chaos and stress. Blogging helps, so if any of you are still here, bless you! I know this is insanely long.

I'm trying to remember to count my blessings...as I know I have many, not the least of which is that I do at least have a loaner car while I work the financial stuff out, and an excellent credit score to help make me "well qualified" for potential loans, and family and friends who love me, and a body that is getting stronger every day, between trips to the gym, feeding it right, and moving furniture lol.

I'm going to be ok, I just have to keep on keeping on, and keep out of the fridge.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh no, way too much. Many emoticon emoticon emoticon
    519 days ago
  • SSMITH017
    Wow! That's quite a lot. Great job hanging in there.
    519 days ago
  • LINDA7677
    For all that you have been through, I commend you for staying out of the refrigerator .Stay the strong woman that you areā€¦.many would have caved by now. Remember you have a support circle to get help or to vent to. Keep trying to eat healthy and by all means keep working out. That is one of the best ways to let go of stress. Your Starfish team is here for you. If you need to vent or have any questions, you can always contact me.
    520 days ago
    Hang in..it will get better. I'd be beyond stressed too! But one thing at a time it will come around. Dont forget to check with friends...sometimes they have skills you weren't aware of. And yes be grateful,even for the hard things. You can do it
    520 days ago
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