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Meditation and More

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Still around spark friends. This last month has been rough and I have been working through it. Running is more walking. Working with new dog Dewey and doing well there. He won beginning agility in his first showing. I am working with the local 4-H kids in the dog program and 3 more weeks until fair.

Right now I have two grandchildren visiting from Ohio. Plan on meeting up with the other grandchildren today at a small county fair where my daughter lives. Relationship with m daughter is going very well. She is on good medication and seeing her counselor regularly.

July 1 put me into a very bad tail spin. We live right on the Highway and there was a very bad accident. A pickup and a Semi. Myself and our hired men responded to the scene. The pickup was on it's side and the one passenger a man was trapped. I was able to reach in and provide comfort and hold his hand. I just kept talking until the ambulance arrived. I used to be a medic in the Army 30 plus years ago and I have seen some bad things. In the scale of the things I have seen this wasn't the worst. It took over and hour for the firemen to extract him from the vehicle and I found out the next morning he died shortly after. He was a well respected member of our local Mennonite community. The paper put out name in the paper and a few days later a close friend to the mans family called and extended an invitation to the funeral. He said the wife would really benefit from talking to me. On July 4th Dale and I didn't go to the funeral but we did go up to the viewing and found the family at their church and we spoke to the family. All I could do was offer the wife my hand. Her husband never woke up or even opened his eyes but he did squeeze my hand once. I have been going through a lot of ups and downs and mood swings. I am no longer that Army medic or that correctional officer. I am a farm wife and in that role I just wasn't prepared for the events of that day. I have suffered from memory flash backs and have had a couple of panic attack type episodes. Waves of emotion have just flowed. I had my first good day this last Saturday only to glace out my window and see sheriff vehicles at the crash site and all of a sudden I was temporarily over whelmed once again. I am able to write this now so I am feeling stronger. That's where the meditation has really helped. Getting out of my head and being present. I know things like this take time to heal.

I pray I am now on the healing side of all of this.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JEANKNEE
    emoticon I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    I've had that experience (holding the hand of a dying person following an accident) too. It is not easy.

    I am so happy to hear that your daughter is doing better. What a blessing!

    Congratulations on your work with Dewey! emoticon

    Take care of yourself, lady. And, do reach out for professional support, if needed. emoticon
    388 days ago
  • LIFEFOUNDONARUN
    You showed up with your beautiful strength for someone who needed an angel next to him. Being strong comes with its rough times though. PTSD is a tricky disorder to live with and it sounds like it is working in you. Thank you for being the beautiful soul that you are. His family appreciates it more than you will ever know. I found meditation to be a great healing source, at least getting me to a point to where I could talk about my own depression and start openly healing. I hope it continues to help you along. I'm here for you always xo emoticon
    389 days ago
  • ALICIA363
    emoticon
    Thank you for being with the man. As a family member who’s being comforted knowing strangers were there to help my brother...thank you for doing what you could. I hope you can find peace with it.
    emoticon
    389 days ago
  • GOING-STRONG
    Wow... I feel for you Elisa. You are suffering from PTSD. Traumatic events can sure be jolting. I'm still struggling with depression over my friends death. Hope that I can kick it to the curb soon. Sending prayers your way. Hugs, R.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    389 days ago
  • TIKITAMI

    When Scott was killed the first person to reach him was a doctor. He stayed with him until the ambulance arrived even though he knew that Scott was already gone. He talked to him, held his hand and never left his side. This gave Shelby and Scott's parents so much comfort knowing that he was never alone on that highway.

    Thank you so much for sitting with him, I know it was hard for you but what you did for that family will never be forgotten.
    389 days ago
  • READY201811
    No amount of training or experience can ever really prepare us for the here and now. We never know where when or how we will be used to touch another persons life and to make a difference and just you willing to be there and to offer him something to hold onto, a hand, words, being there he was not alone. PTSD is hard because it comes so unexpected and sometimes just a simple small trigger can set me off. Flashbacks are horrible and the fear the emotions that are attached to them
    Love Dewey such a beautiful dog and experiencing new memories with your daughter and grandkids. What a success story! Enjoy your week
    389 days ago
  • ONEKIDSMOM
    emoticon This was very timely for me to read. I pray that rest come to you, for you were truly an angel in that family's life.
    389 days ago
  • BJAEGER307
    Being there at the time of need for this gentleman, was the doing of God. You were there for a purpose and no matter what it was meant to be. God had a hand in this. I'm am sad to read on all the unrest that it has caused you. There is a lesson to this time of your life, just what the answer is yet is to be answered. I pray for peace and calmness for you. Just know that you helped someone that needed it.

    It is good to see you doing what you want to do. Congrats on the agility win. First time out and already has the making of a top dog. You've done well in his training. I know you are proud of him, but you should be proud of yourself as well. It is quite an accomplishment to train a dog to do so well, especially on the first time.

    Also glad the daughter relationship is doing well. I know that eases some stress that you carry with you all the time.
    389 days ago
  • -JAMES-
    It's not an easy tragedy to witness, and indeed be so close to.
    emoticon
    389 days ago
  • THOMPSON78021
    Nice picture
    389 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    (((((HUGS))))) You were that man's angel. I can only imagine the trauma of seeing such a thing. My DS was stationed in Afghanistan and saw and experienced things nobody should see or experience, and it's left an imprint on him, too. I am sure seeing you was a comfort to the family. Blessings. Peace.
    389 days ago
  • PREMAMEHROTRA
    You gave strength to someone who needed it....and God will find a way of returning your personal strength to you. I salute your courage to take the right action when it was needed and pray that you will be able to minimise the panic attacks. God Bless you...
    389 days ago
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