This spring and summer has been the worst.....
Friday, August 09, 2019
Sooo..... I had this great year last year and I was on a roll on my lifestyle change and losing weight.
I was focusing on me and I had a great schedule in place and I prioritized my me-time.
I had a walking buddy in coworkers dog and things were good.
Then come April and my coworker got tired of having a dog and found him a different home.
So I lost my buddy....and walking was no more fun.
My last walk was a 10 k on April 15, on the 1 year anniversary on my journey.
During the same time social services took another coworkers 4 children, their father beat them. Being me, I got way to emotionally involved and Dealing with her and that trauma did a thing on me, especially when she took up for her man and tried to blame the school for reporting it and social services for taking them.
Today the children are at home, with her, but he is not allowed to see the children so he lives elsewhere.
Also Around the time my daughter got into a mild depression and was out on sick leave and my focus switched.
She also had a friend with a dog who needed a new home, beautiful dog and my daughter and this dog really clicked. Love at first sight.
(What is up with all these people just throwing their animals around?)
We said we would try and see how it would go with our cats, and things were looking much better.
My daughter got up and out with this dog and she was a sweetheart! Got along with the cats and no tendencies for aggression on either part.
Then one night 4 weeks later, when my girl was taking the dog out, one of our cats hid and scared the dog, she reacted instinctively and bit the cat, so bad we had to amputate her back leg.
Needless to say we had to give the dog back, cause we can’t risk anything like that happening again.
It was a devastating trauma for us both.
The guilt of looking our now 3 legged sweetie (who is doing good) and still somehow miss the hell out of the dog! It’s crazy!
I spent 5 weeks in the states and tried to recover emotionally.
The panic attack I suffered the day we were heading back Made me realize how much stress I’m under at home.
Been back 3 weeks now and here we are.....
My daughter was diagnosed with severe depression 2 weeks ago and on sick leave again. Was put on New meds on Monday so now we have everything that comes with that for the next 2 -3 weeks.
At least she knows and realizes that’s the meds making her feel worse before it gets better.
And here I am, I Have a doc appointment on Tuesday, and in April I thought I would walk in to that weighing in my low 170’s. Instead I’m Gonna show up 12 lbs heavier than last time.
Over the 200 mark I swore I would never be at again.
I’m beating myself up and wondering how in the world could I do this to myself?
How did I get so lost in everyone else’s problem that I completely ignored myself??
And how do I find my way back?
And how do I stop beating myself up ?