Here I go again ....
Monday, August 19, 2019
Here we go again. The struggle of being healthy is real. Always a new temptation lurking, always a new excuse if you look hard enough. Family gathering, birthday, a long weekend, my cousin’s brothers bestfriends wedding day. Where there is a want there is an excuse !
I started keto for a month or so, fell off the wagon hardcore and am now getting back on track. I learned a great lesson 25 carbs or less a day not really the road I want to follow. I do intend to stay under 50 net carbs a day still. Keto forced me to pay waaaaaaaaay more attention then I actually can commit to. If it feels like a chore long term its not going to work for me.
I have been battling the mental aspect of getting healthy. Food has been my bff for a very long time. Good times, bad times all the times in between. Past damages that drive us to try to find comfort.
We all have a past, scars we don't show to the public. We're all dealing with some sort of trauma. Everyone deals in different ways, our trauma may not be the same but it's certainly not a competition. My past is no greater or weaker then your own. I have seen and lived through things I would wish on no one. I have done things I still shake my head at and am so very ashamed of. I am guessing unless the word Saint is in front of your name that you have some skeletons you would rather bury then face as well. But when we work so hard to bury those skeletons instead of facing them head on, that's when we get ourselves in trouble. Some hide behind drugs, some choose alcohol, for me and so many like me food is the drug of choice. What I use to silent my hurts, to keep my mind off deeper issues. But it's so much more, celebrating ... eat food. Family gathering .... Food. Heck even after a funeral we gather and guess what ... Food ! My drug of choice is everyplace, it goes with every mood. It's friggin needed to live. How do you face an addiction that you literally depend on to stay alive ?
I don’t have an answer to that final question yet. I am also sure the answers differ from person to person. But my current mission is to find my answer to that question. Its time to leave the past in the past and move forward. One day, one step, one meal at a time.