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ZETTAXMARIE
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Hail and Welcome!

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Hello! It has been a while since I have posted a blog anywhere, so... here we go!

My name is Zetta, I am nonbinary but have no pronoun preference at all, so she is fine as that is what most people use :-)
I am pagan, but I support people of all beliefs and hope that they can have the same respect for me.
I am also severely overweight.... and that is what my journey here is mostly going to be about.

I have always been the fat person, the chubby kid, the biggest person in the room for as long as I can remember.

In Kindergarten, my teacher made me drink only water, no matter what the other kids were drinking.... and my school guidance councilor began a "punishment" that would literally torment me and make me hate school before I got out of Elementary school. I was a normal kid. I loved to read, i loved to sing, I loved to play with my friends, do art, and just have fun.... but all of a sudden, during my recesses, i would have to go walk the track alone (a teacher did not count as company for a small child). By the time I was in 3rd grade, i was also being pulled out of my electives, like art, music, and library time to walk the track with an adult and 1 other girl they determined also needed to lose weight. By 7th grade, I had an eating disorder. My best friend that year was a new girl, who did not know the back story... hadn't seen the hell the elementary guidance councilor had put me through... If she would have been at my school during that time, i know she would have been made to do the same walking alone that I was, because she was a bigger, tall girl... she saw straight through all my games of not eating/ avoiding lunch/ refusing to be seen eating... She didn't care what other people thought of me. She was the kind of girl that would have gotten suspended if she heard anyone make fun of me.... and she loved me, exactly as I was. She called me out of not eating and she was the first person that saw what was happening and truly cared. I had taken great pains to not let my mom know. She would have been on me in an instant if she had known, but she had rheumatoid arthritis and was slowly becoming wheelchair bound... i did not want to add stress to her by letting her see that I was struggling so badly. Just having one person outside my family that would fight me for my health helped some, but I struggled with eating disorders throughout High School, college, and most of my 20s, without ever actually getting small enough for anyone to even notice. Its ok to starve if you are fat, apparently.
At the age of 21, I lost my mom, and 25 I lost my dad and I tried to get my life together. I am 34 years old now, and I as of 6 months ago, I weighed 385 lbs. In June, I decided it was way past time to be serious and love myself right by working to change my health. I was at the point where walking from the house to the car was tiring, and I have bigger dreams than that. I am, and have been for the last 3 years, an aspiring drag king, performing on stage locally and competing in pageants across the country in the US of A pageant system... and If i can't move, I can't perform. If i can't perform, I am never going to come home with the crown...
My brothers in the US of A brotherhood are some of the fiercest and most loyal humans I know. They have lifted me up when I faltered, and have been some of my strongest supporters since I started. One of the queens that I know even bought my fitbit for me so I could track my steps and work harder every day to get stronger.

When I started, my step goal was tiny... 1000 steps. i am up to 3500 consistently now and have lost 66 lbs as of my weigh in last Friday morning.

So, if you are still reading, join me on my journey to love myself right.

If you are just starting your own, you can do this. One day, one step, one glass of water at a time.

If you are farther on your journey, don't stop. Keep fighting for your life and the chance to live it how you want, on your terms.

Can't Stop. Won't Stop. Til we all reach the top!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HOLLYM48
    I am so sorry that your story started in kindergarten with people that were not compassionate and had no idea how scarring that was to a child. I am wishing you success as you fight to get stronger and healthier.
    Good luck with your drag queen career! I bet that is a blast!
    199 days ago
  • DWROBERGE
    emoticon emoticon
    204 days ago
  • TREKPURRSON
    emoticon emoticon
    208 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    Wonderfully honest blog.

    I too recall bullying starting at the age of about 5 for my size, I also refused to eat at secondary school, no fuel for the bullies.

    I have added you as a friend emoticon
    209 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Good job with realizing what you had to do, and with the progress you have had so far. Keep the goals in sight and don't stop pushing onward! emoticon
    209 days ago
  • BLHEALTH
    That's wonderful progress. A little at the time adds up
    Blessings
    209 days ago
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