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The Scan Doesn't Lie

Saturday, September 21, 2019

There is something scary about seeing your body as a gray, featureless blob. I had this scan done at the gym back in January this year. The truly frightening part is that I've gained another 10 pounds since then. I have felt so overwhelmed by my current situation that it's hard to know where to begin. I struggle with depression already and find it so hard some days to find the motivation or energy to do anything. Then, I feel guilty for not doing anything to change my circumstances, which makes me feel even more depressed, and the cycle never ends.

I finally reached a tipping point when I got a call from my doctor saying that I needed to drop my weight and the carbs, NOW. I have spent the past week visiting my counselor and sending out my SOS signals to people I know I can count on to help. I have also re-engaged my online support communities through SparkPeople and Habitica (which have been helpful in the past). After seeing a commercial for "Noom," I also signed up for a trial with them. I am seriously determined to make a change.

The other aspect of my challenge lies in my professional life. I have been working towards becoming a board-certified chaplain for the past 7 years. Three years of seminary, a one-year residency, and I have been gainfully employed as a full-time hospice chaplain for three years now. The final step in the process is to submit my board packet (equivalent to a doctoral thesis), which I have been avoiding like the plague. There are no words sufficient enough to describe the level of writer's block I have experienced during this project. So much of it stems from performance anxiety, self-doubt, and the pressure of an overwhelmingly difficult project. The board certification is a requirement for my continued employment, so now my job rests on my completion of this process. I have no choice but to do it, or I lose my job. I have chosen the board deadline of November 13th. I have to have my entire packet completed and submitted by that date. It is very doable, given the work I have already completed, but it is still intimidating.

I am hoping to reignite my own internal strength and energy (that I know is there...somewhere) and just start moving forward on this project and towards living a healthier lifestyle. I am so tired of being tired. I am done with being stagnant. I wish to reclaim my life, my health, and my dreams.

Every new adventure begins with a single footstep. This is mine! Today! Right now!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KITT52
    start slow, find steps you can do... moderation is the key...

    I know its hard but it can be done...read my story...I lost 210 pounds....I still struggle with over eating ...and have gained back some weight...I loose then gain but over the last 13 years...I still have keep off most of the weight.... its not easy but I am worth the effort...

    I hope you can find a plan that works for you....
    255 days ago
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