The Guilt of a Failed Day
Tuesday, October 01, 2019
We all know the kind of day I'm talking about. You prepare yourself mentally the night before. You get in bed at a decent time and set your alarm, planning to hit the gym, eat a healthy breakfast, pack a nice lunch, and then conquer the day.
Your gym alarm goes off the next morning and you feel as though you fell asleep only thirty minutes earlier. Your back aches as you reach over to hit the snooze. The last thing you feel like doing is squeezing your body into spandex and putting it on some torturous gym contraption. In the fogginess of early morning, you turn the alarm off and roll back over hoping for what? better sleep? more sleep? a miraculous sense of feeling rested and restored? Yeah, right. LOL
Yep. That's exactly what I did. I didn't give a damn when I did it - I was tired. However, as my husband stirred about an hour later, then came the dreaded statement, "I thought you were going to get up and go to the gym." Argh....and guilt trip #1 hit. What's even worse is that he had said that he would go with me if I woke him up. So, not only had I missed out on my workout, but I messed up his opportunity as well.
By oversleeping, I also made myself short on time getting ready for the workday. I had to leave the house without packing my lunch and my "healthy breakfast" became an Atkins Mocha Latte shake. Not as bad as donuts or Whataburger drive-thru, but still not great. I made it to my morning meeting with the boss on time, but barely. Guilt trip #2 hit.
The shake wore off way too early and I found myself starving well before noon. I drove around hoping for something quick and somewhat healthy and ran straight into one of my old favorites... Freebirds (think, an entire Mexican dinner wrapped in a huge flour tortilla). You guessed it, I caved. I tried to make myself feel better by getting the whole wheat tortilla, black beans instead of refried, chicken instead of steak, but the whole point was that I had not followed my plan for the day. Guilt trip #3 hit.
As I sat in my car eating my burrito, I reflected on how my day was going thus far. Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I exercise better self-control and be more disciplined? The pity party was epic. The only things missing were the balloons and cake.
Fast-forward to tonight. I'm back home. I resigned myself to eating only a bowl of cereal for dinner. Maybe as punishment? I don't know. I sit down to log my meals and non-existent exercise for the day and the full guilt of my failed day hits me like a brick.
It's also at this point that I start reading posts from various SP teammates. The encouragement, the support, the acceptance, the shared challenges. I realize that I'm not alone. I am reminded that I can try again tomorrow. I reflect back on the days in the past week where I did really well and felt on top of the world. Not every day will be a "top of the world" kind of day and that's ok. The point is to not let those guilt thoughts break my spirit. I am not perfect. I am going to fail on some days. It's what I choose to do the next day that matters.
I will try again.